Sunday, January 27, 2008
Do you talk to your computer?
You know, “no…don’t do that!” And the ever popular, “now why’d you go and do that?” I would imagine at an office with multiple computer workstations, it must sound like an idiots convention. “Now where did I put that?” “Don’t you freeze up on me, you son of a Bill Gates!” “Delete? I didn’t hit the delete key.” “File not found, you stupid machine, its right there!” “No, no, no, I don’t want to load that page, I want to get rid of it!” It would be one thing if we were talking to our computers with...
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Friday, January 25, 2008
Going to hell in a what?
Hand-baskets, what’s so evil about that? I mean, if one is going to hell, how does the mode of transportation figure into the picture? Once you arrive at the underworld, and your luggage doesn’t - it’s hell after all, the everlasting torture begins and soon all thoughts of your journey evaporate into eternal hell-fire and damnation. Come to think of it, hand-baskets might be preferable to most airlines one could name. Who wants to go to hell with a screaming kid kicking your seatback and a large...
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Thursday, January 24, 2008
Stream of semi-consciousness
I slid down the hill to get the mail. My memories of winter when I was a kid involved a lot of sliding. Some of that sliding involved sleds, toboggans, skis and the like. We were so poor we could only cut out pictures of the above from the Montgomery Ward catalog and slide on those. Sometimes our car would slide as well, those were the days before studded tires. Othertimes when it was really slick out, we would just run and slide on our feet, like an absent minded ice skater. That was when I was...
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Monday, January 21, 2008
I don’t know!
It’s like this you see. My aunt had a very strange collection. My uncle was a contractor who built highways all over the world. He would bring home core samples of the different materials they used and stored them in his garage. After he died, she decided to make the garage into a museum since some of those projects were historical in nature. Right about now, you are wondering, “ok Food, I’m getting an uneasy feeling that you are going somewhere with this, am I being set up?” And right about...
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
Snow joke! With photos
I used to walk uphill both ways to school through the snow. Right about now, you should be saying, “oh come on Food, you don’t expect us to believe that old crap now do you?” And right about now I would answer, “you’d better, because it’s the truth.” The truth is, we lived about a half-mile from the school, not really that long of a walk. Between our house and the school house the road went up over a very slight hill. The rise in the hill is about 50 feet or so, just enough so you know you are...
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You are programmed to crave fat!
How can this be? I’ll tell you how. Back in the caveman and even pre-caveman (oops, make that caveperson) days, the diet of the typical human being was pretty lacking in fats. That diet consisted mostly of grubs, nuts, berries, grains, wild game and things lying around that weren’t too gross to eat. There were no candies, ice creams, chips, pies or Filet Mignons to gird one’s middle. As you can see, right from the start, our cells are merely acting on instructions handed down from their...
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Writer’s strike cripples industry
Hollywood is oozing ratings. Male writers have donned women’s garb as the strike drags on. Heh, heh. Somehow the commercials are keeping up their onslaught, whoever writes those things is still at work, maybe even putting in some overtime, it seems. Not only that, but the plausibility and intent of many of those spots is lost on me. Scene: A vehicle blissfully traverses a snow field that looks to be the birthplace of the mother of all avalanches. Razor sharp rocks whiz by on either side as the...
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Monday, January 14, 2008
Hilarity in the headlines
Amputee Sprinter barred from Olympics. Now that’s headline made for a punchline. I haven’t read the story so I am imagining it must go something like this: Amputee sprinter, Sprint Plop was barred from the Olympics today. Olympics officials explained, “we think he’s just not in step with our program.” The sprinter sought legal representation but no lawyers were willing to take the case since as one barrister put it on condition of anonymity, “he just doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I am...
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Sunday, January 13, 2008
Free fall free for all
Dip a toe into the dizzying pool of politics and you will find it’s an icy-hot situation. When it comes time for the convention, will Hillary and Obama be able to kiss and make up to be running mates or will it devolve into KMA and running make up? Maybe McCain will prove to be a pain over which there is no gain. Edwards might be out already, felled be rumors of Rogaine. Mitt? Huckabee? Surely these are not names presidential, but we will have to wait and see. Capitol Hillary says Barak’s no MLK...
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Saturday, January 12, 2008
Hair scare
Like seeing yourself on video? For a lot of us it’s like coming face-to-face with our own mortality. Recently I was watching a video and some old fart was rambling on about the old days. I listened to his thin reedy voice and noticed he had a lot of gray in his beard, I hope mine isn’t that bad. Then I observed he had obviously shopped at Costco because he had a shirt on just like the one I bought there recently. His hair was stylishly over his collar but severely limited when it came to the top...
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