http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.hourly12000-01-01T12:00+00:00http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/618413They came in peace they said. I asked why they decided to visit our small planet. They said because it was so small, lots of alien races are interested in compact planets that use fewer natural resources. I asked how big their planet was and they said it made Jupiter look like a spitball. Mostly, they claimed, because if we really knew what Jupiter was made of, it would turn out to be spit. I observed that was disgusting, to which they replied that I really didn’t want to know what Uranus was...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/618240I was squinting into the setting sun as I finished mowing my lawn when I saw it. Headed right for me was what appeared to be a hubcap from a 1956 Ford Thunderbird but my neighbor and I had reached an agreement that I would stop singing while I mowed and he would stop flinging hubcaps at me. Ok, I’ll admit I was humming but I seriously doubted anyone could hear it above the roar of the mower. I lost consciousness at that point and was unaware that I had been whisked aboard an alien spacecraft...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/615902Captains Log – Well, its that time of year when the starship dealers stock their showrooms with the shiny new models, but here we are stuck in the dowdy old Enterprise. I mean, my God, have you seen those tail fins? Strictly ‘50s. Well, its about time for the crew meeting, I must be off to the bridge. Bridge of the Enterprise – Crew meeting. Kirk: This meeting of the crew is now in order, Spock, can you read the minutes of the last meeting? Spock: Well captain, it was about 20 minutes. Kirk:...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/615154I posted this some time ago, but suddenly Star Trek is in again, so get ready for a round of Warped take-offs. Star Trek, the unseen adventure. “Kirk here…….prepareenginesfor…….warpedthoughs…….when…williteverend?” The graceful white Starfleet ship banks into a turn, going boldly where no man has gone before. “Captain, my impeccable logic tells me we are lost, once again, thus, going where no man has gone before.” “Well Spock, that only makes sense, the captain is after all a man, and he...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/614855In a nod to a more educated clientele, Disney Land is adding a new attraction, Physics World. Inside one travels through dioramas of the marvels of physics from the very large (the big bang) to the very small (Richard Feynman’s mad quark ride). On one part of the ride, the visitors finds themselves transported to a land of anamatronic quarks who sing in a particularly irritating voice, “It’s a parallel universe after all!” endlessy while we see the juxtaposition of Hitler as a brilliant comic...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/614198If you get a penis transplant, does it come with an “extended” warranty? And is that warranty for longer than four hours? You never know when you might have to know, you know?http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/612371No Shirt – No Shoes – No Cervix, sounds like a guy thing to me. Speaking of guys…we find the Lonely Ranger and Tonto in a rather strange situation. Tonto: Kemo Sabe, this loincloth make butt look fat? LR: No, Tonto, in fact I was just admiring the way the flickering campfire light dances off your deeply muscled bronze thighs. Tonto: Me hear strange things happen in these hills. LR: Yes my fine feathered friend, the Brokeback Mountains have been said to have a strange affect on the men who...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/611504We find William Shakespeare downing a few pints with friends in the neighborhood pub. The conversation is enthralling and a few charming ladies are hanging on his every word. But, alas, the ale has gone to his bladder and he is nearly squirming as his urgency grows by the minute. He is afraid that if he leaves to go to the bathroom, Sir Francis Bacon will away with the wenches and the Bard of Avon will have no one calling. That angst, with some modification begat one of his better known...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/611154Mother’s Day and lots of us will take our dear mommys to a fine restaurant to treat her to a meal. Everyone is anticipating a sumptuous repast and looking forward to surreptitiously loosening their belts, well at least us guys are. As Robbie Burns so aptly noted: “The best laid plans aft gang agley!” Now you don’t have to be a Gaelic scholar to know what that means, you just have to have been disappointed at a less than fine dining establishment. Such as the place we went today. In the past,...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/611013“You really need to keep me!” said the old box covered with spider webs and dust. I stood in the middle of a garage full of old boxes covered with spider webs and dust and they all seemed to beseech me to keep them. But in the hard light of day, I had to interrogate them all. “You there” I commanded, “yes, you, full of old paint cans that have been around since the Carter administration, what can you possibly do to make my life easier?” Of course, old dried up paint cans can’t talk so off to...