http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.hourly12000-01-01T12:00+00:00http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/563319Yes, Crapload News, first with the news you can’t trust brings a new feature to these pages, “News and commentary for the clueless!?!” Today reporter Ima Blond Tew focuses on the latest turmoil involving our old arch-enemy (no not Ronald McDonald, but close) Russia. Her opinion expressed in her blog, “Are my roots showing?” is quoted mostly, but somewhat, a little bit and nearly verbatim, for the most part, here. “I don’t know why Russia would invade Georgia, it’s a downright shame if you ask...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/562965Because most people now days are more familiar with the environs of the freeway than a doddering old road, the question has been updated. Indeed, crossing a freeway, even if you’re not a chicken is a daunting task, so for a fowl to cross the freeway, they are no chicken, trust me. And if it is the 405 at rush hour, then that chicken is a dead duck and it’s progeny are scrambled eggs. Just what would a chicken be doing on the freeway at rush hour is a mystery, maybe a crime. I suspect fowl...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/562181Oh sure, we’re the top of the food chain, the big boss, we have the biggest brains, we can alter the planet, for better or worse and even destroy it with our weapons if our brains fail us. To be human is the pinnacle of success, so why then, when we mess up, try to displace the blame by claiming, “I’m only human?” ONLY human? Didn’t we just see that being human is the best we can be? We eat with forks. We cook our food, with the exception of caviar and sushi and, well, lots of stuff, forget...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/561973Or - maybe I should have my mouth washed out with feathers. We stopped alongside the road to look at wild asparagus. A herd was moving through the valley and the sound of their hooves was, well of course I’m kidding, I’m always kidding. My sister-in-law from Texas had never seen wild asparagus and these plants had gone to seed, the bright green feathery foliage was the only green on the hillside. When they came back, her 5-year old grandson had found a feather and asked me, “uncle John, what...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/560880I believe it was Marco Polo who first told the Chinese, “two Wongs don’t make a white!” He was immediately branded as a racist and was forced to wok the dog. Of course he had already let the dogs out and now they were freebirds, which made about as much scents as a votive candle. Of course everyone knows candles can’t vote (unless they are Florida residents, that is) so the whole argument goes up in smoke. Now secondary argument smoke has been shown to cause brain damage, much the same as...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/559779When you cook Top Ramen and have left overs, is it Bottom Ramen?http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/559361George Washington turned to a cadre of his generals and commented, “you have to admit, those red coats do look mighty snappy, but sure don’t offer much in the way of camouflage.” No, really, he could have. It could have also been George who said, “Hey, only one occupant of the boat gets to stand up at one time!” When questioned about it, he pointed out the safety label which said, “Only one boat riding guy can stand up at one time, you don’t want to drown the father of our country now, do...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/558951“Call now, our fully trained psychics are standing by.” That is the tag line from an ad for (of course) psychics. Ok, maybe I’m wrong here, but can one really be trained to be a psychic? I was under the impression clairvoyance is a “gift” and either you have it our you don’t. So just how would psychic training work? Trainer: Johnson, concentrate, can you see the future? Trainee: Uh, well I haven’t won the lottery yet, so I’m not sure. Trainer: Dig deep, think man, think! Is that your best...http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/557866A sordid tale of a dish, a spoon, a cow, the moon, a fiddle, a cat and a little dog. Brought to you by Okra Windfree, the only Okra that won’t give you gas! It seems the cat, a graduate of Juliard’s was playing the violin, although to some less sophisticated, it is called a fiddle. It was at this point the bovine, in an extraordinary display of her leaping prowess did indeed, jump over the moon. The little dog, rather than being awestruck, found the whole thing funny and laughed heartily....http://www.blogit.com/Blogs/Blog.aspx/food4thought2856/556138Never look a gift skunk under the tail. Way worse than looking a gift horse in the mouth, don’t you think? If you lose you loofah, don’t replace it with a baby porcupine. Sure, it’s all fun and games until somebody develops adult quills. If a stitch in time saves nine, then what about nine stitches? Rolling stones may not gather moss, but they also don’t accrue interest. If you close the barn door after the horse gets out, how is it going to get back in?