Warped thoughts

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Wisdom of aging…

The backs of my feet are starting to build thick callouses and crack all the time. It is really annoying but it does point out that old truth, “time wounds all heels!” Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

One foot at a time.

I got some new shoes, the ones with memory foam. They are really comfortable but I think they may be defective. I can never remember where they are! Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Things thought of but I have no idea why. If you think about it long enough you realize that Picasso probably could talk out of the other side of his face. Consider: A banana walks into a bar. The bartender says “why the long face?” The banana replies, “no, you’ve got me confused with the horse.” “Oh yeah” the bartender quips, “unless you are a horse of a different color.” The banana eyes the bartender up and down then striking a sexy pose asks, “don’t you find me appealing?” The bartender,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 8, 2016

LAWNMOWER BLUES

Spring, and a man’s fancy turns to anything but lawn mowing. Darkness has enveloped eastern Washington and with it comes the chill of evening that is even chillier than the chill of day. After many hours putzing with his lawnmower, the do-it-yourself yard equipment maintenance technician considers keeping warm by setting fire to the old yellow Coast to Coast refugee from the junkyard mower that he has been working on for the past two weeks. The valves have been massaged and re-seated, the head... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Things I can’t help but think

Every time I listen to or watch a baseball game, it seems to always come up and goes something like this: “Well Slugger MgGee is doing very good this season. Last season he struggled but then during the off-season he had Tommy John’s surgery and the improvement is outstanding.” It is then that I get sad and wonder: “Gee, what about poor Tommy John? All these guys getting his surgery and he is still in the waiting room reading a National Geographic from 1957. When oh when will it be his turn?”... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Maybe I need a hearing aid.

Sometimes, as I watch TV I mis-hear things that cause me to go, “wait!,what?) So it was the other night when the promos for Chicago Fire came on, followed by the promo for Chicago Police Department (or whatever its called) followed by the promo for Chicago Med. The first time they ran through this gamut of promos I wasn’t paying too much attention and thought I heard an added promo for Chicago Vet. Right away I knew dyslexia had kicked in and there was no such thing as Chicago Vet, yet I... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

CRAPLOAD NEWS exposes Easter Bunny

After years of experience at hiding eggs, the Easter Bunny (Rabbit EggHidius) is about as effective as an air traffic controller, even little children are still able to find them. Why doesn’t the Easter Bunny get any better at hiding eggs? Now for a hardboiled report from ace reporter Kant Stoptalkinboutit. For the lowdown on this story, let’s hop to it. Ever since the Easter Bunny decided to hide eggs, apparently in an attempt to store food away for leaner times, people have been finding those... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Life in the fright lane

Our streets and roads are filled with idiots. What are my qualifications for making such a statement? I am a professional driver, school bus driver in particular and while I am ferrying precious cargo in my yellow stretch limo I have plenty of chances to observe those who do not follow the same rules I am sworn to adhere to. First and foremost, cell phone usage. I lose count of the number of folks I see every day yakking away on their cell phones blowing through intersections, not yielding the... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 16, 2015

What are the chances?

In a previous post, I pompously commented on TV as if I knew something about it. No, not about how the electrons excite photons to stream into your eyes and convince you that you are looking at something, we all know that! I opined as how the new batch of late night hosts were ok and that The Voice hasn’t produced any household names as of yet. Well, last night, Stephen Colbert had Oprah Winfrey as his guest and they had a great conversation. I encourage you to find it on You-Tube. Then he had... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

TV or not TV

Whether it is nobler to witness the slushing of one’s mind or suffer the outrageous slings and arrows of er, well, something else. Scorpion of course is fine entertainment and the new Blindspot is a mix of Person of Interest, Elementary and maybe even Castle. Frankly there is more to watch than a person can take in. I employ the DVR so I can fast forward through the really mindless parts, the ads. You know, five out of ten doctors is right around 50%. What is the lead time between the latest... Sign in to see full entry.

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