Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Taling to myself...again

During this time of staying home, what to do, what to do? As for me, I’m getting tired of talking to myself. What? I’ve always found you to be a scintillating conversationalist. Ok, you must be delusinal. Wait, I’ve been posting a lot of pictures, shouldn’t that be illusinal? Oh great, another stupid pun. Well, if it’s a pun, it’s got to be stupid, look it up stupid. About the pictures, it sure burns a lot of time looking through the archives, squinting at slides then scanning them only to find... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 8, 2020

What’s new is old.

During these times of social distancing, movie executives are more hard-pressed than ever to come up with new ideas for films, so they, as usual are slapping a new take on an old concept. Let’s take you now to Tinsel Town and our entertainment reporter, Holly Woodhead who is semi live with an executive from Weary Brother’s Studio. Holly, “I’m here with producer Doneitall Beefour talking about their latest project. Mr. Beefour, I understand you are about to tackle what many consider a sacred... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, April 6, 2020

Not so great moments in history.

Roald Amundsen, intrepid explorer managed to reach both the North and South poles. One would think this would fill him with great pride and satisfaction, alas, it was not to be. By most accounts he was alternately happy then would suddenly become quite sad. After many sessions with Dr. Sigmund Freud, the famous psychotherapist came to the conclusion, “he can’t help it, his is after all… (wait for it)..... Bi-polar!” Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 30, 2020

Another Crapload News Update

Reporter Knowhut Amin here, live from Mount Everest base camp. The exciting news is famed bio-anthro-ersatzologist Harry Searchin seems to be close to solving the mystery that has enthralled mankind for centuries. So, Dr. Searchin, have you found solid evidence that Big Foot actually exists? Dr. Harry Searchin, “Not Yeti!” Sign in to see full entry.

The Covid 19 games.

So what would the Olympics look like during this uncertain time? Well, Greco Roman wrestling would be done by mimes standing six feet apart, that is if they could get through that glass wall. The 4-person bobsled would be 24 feet long or about 60 meters, which is a long bobsled by anybody’s yardstick. Pairs figure skating and ice dancing, again with the mimes, ooooh, too bad about that severe headwind. The relay race would be pretty much the same, only with six-foot wide lanes and of course,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 27, 2020

Out of the frying pan…

Ace reporter Benrong Beefour here from the parking lot of your favorite big-assed store. We’ve all heard about the hoarding but now it has reached a ridiculous new low. Customer after customer are making their way to their cars with shopping carts overloaded with frying pans. I think we need to define “pandemic” more thoroughly. Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Toilet paper hack.

Get a garden hose and one of those small sprinklers, zip tie the sprinkler to your commode and - voila!!! - instant bidet. Oh the smile that will be on your face as you pass the barren toilet paper shelves at your local shopping place, or is that a grimace as you think about that refreshing blast of cold water? Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, March 20, 2020

I must be doing something right!

Yesterday I got a phone call, and as with most phone calls these days I suspected a sham. Sure enough, some mid-eastern sounding fellow, lets call him Chip, said he was calling from Canadian Pharmacy. I immediately said, “oooh, Canadian pharmacy eh?” He replied, “yes, I am from Canadian pharmacy.” So I responded, “wow, that’s pretty cool, Canada calling me, I live real close doncha know!” So he said, starting to sound disgruntled, “yes, Canadian Pharmacy.,” Then I asked, “if you’re a Canadian... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 16, 2020

Why do we find King Tut so fascinating?

Now that I am stuck at home, I am delving into one of my guilty pleasures, watching the History channel. I really don’t know why, when I had to study history in school, my attitude was, “why study things that have already happened?” I barely could name when the war of 1812 was and didn’t much care. Somebody was buried in Grant’s tomb, but search me all you want, I couldn’t name who. Or whom. So now I am drawn to the History channel and the new discoveries about Egypt’s “Boy King”. Modern... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, November 17, 2017

What could possibly go wrong?

I just saw a news article about the possibility of a human head transplant. No, really. Dr. Sergio Canavero says first human head transplant “imminent.” “He also said it would take place in China because his efforts to get backing for the project were ignored by the medical communities in the US and Europe” further states a USA Today article. Let’s play Nostradamus and jump forward a few years where we interview the first recipient of this controversial procedure. We go to reporter Justwanna Gno... Sign in to see full entry.

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