Monday, February 11, 2008
won a Grammy Award! A re-run re-done.
Just when I thought my weird life couldn’t get any weirder, you guessed it, wham out of left field (that would be the North field to us locals) there she was on my porch, gray hair in a bun, little round granny (what else) glasses, gingham dress and apron, a real dyed in the wool blue-haired Grammy. While I appreciate the honor, I really don’t know what I’m going to do with her. The dogs don’t want to share their doghouse with her. Sure, they ate the pork-chop I had tied around her neck, but...
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Sunday, February 10, 2008
Thrills for geeks!
ROBOTS GONE WILD! See unimaginable multi-tasking in this virtual documentary. Macs getting it on with PC’s! Wet Hard Drive contests. These cyber freaks do it all when someone sneaks in and turns the voltage up to 127 VAC and double overclocks their motherboards! Monitors bare all in a reckless display of pure pixelated resolution lust. These machines are off line and there are no parameters! And we caught it all on hi-def video! Available now in all the popular formats, even Beta. Act now and we...
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Friday, February 8, 2008
I remembered to forget
I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so! Rember that song? That's about all I remember. All day at work things pop into my head. Not just run of the mill things, but really fiendishly clever things. Of course there is no time to stop and write them down. I try to remember them till lunch so I can scribble a note, but to no avail. Then I get home, and see that the old humor blog needs to be refreshed, but zippo. No flame of inspiration. Somewhere around the edges of perception, the...
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Thursday, February 7, 2008
Where did all the fun go?
Humor can escape one when working ten-hour days. It seems all I want to do is sleep and when I lay down to sleep, I think of things I should have done, but was too tired. Like posting some more humor. But what is funny when you can barely keep your eyes open? Well, for one thing, I had an early morning math class once and it was hell to stay awake in that class. Math is my worst subject and I wasn’t hip to Mountain Dew in those days. So, I would try to stay awake and pay attention, really, I...
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Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Something you might want to know
Comets have tails, this we all know. Now, researchers at the Maximum Board Institute (major pun points if you get that one) have discovered that comets also have other parts. For some time, astronomers have known about the comet’s head and now they have revealed a new and apparently very boring part of the comet. In fact, study of this part of the comet can put one into a profound state of unconsciousness, or as experts have come to call it, a state of comet toes! Ok, I can’t believe I just did...
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Saturday, February 2, 2008
For the birds
Talking birds? Sounds impossible, but it’s true. I used to eat my lunch in the park everyday and I would feed the birds that hung around the statues there. We became quite close, those birds and I. I would talk to them and slowly, they stated talking back to me. After a few years, they were quite fluent in their conversational abilities. Then one day I had a brainstorm, why not take this act to TV or out on the road and make my fortune? Despite calls to all the late night shows, Animal Planet...
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Thursday, January 31, 2008
Exercise due care and caution.
Do not confuse casual sex with causal sex. The results could be not what one is expecting (pun fully intended). Casual sex is a matter of wham, bam, thank you ma’am. Causal sex is more like wham, bam, the next thing you know, you’re reading “Green Eggs and Ham.” You have been warned, if you can’t do the daddy thing, don’t do the mommy thing. ‘Nuff said.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Things I was thinking at work.
Was the whirlpool bath invented by a Frenchman named Jaques Kuzzi? Since everyone (well, most everyone) likes to read in the bathroom, someone should invent toilet paper that is also a newspaper. Talk about getting wiped out by the financial section. When frogs talk about impending death (and you know they must) do they say, “I hope I don’t talk?” Are skunks reviled by perfume? It’s pretty cold out right now. This is where you say, “how cold is it?” And then I would say, “It’s colder than a well...
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Monday, January 28, 2008
Kitten at the keyboard
This is the most difficult post I have ever written. Our three month old kitten is perched on my shoulder, intently watching the monitor. Not only is she a computer geek, she apparently thinks she is a parrot. Just what I need, a defective cat. Me: I’d like to return this kitten. Pet Store: What seems to be the problem? Me: She thinks she’s a parrot. Pet Store: What makes you say that? Me: Well, she sits on my shoulder. Pet Store: Lots of cats do that. Me: And shriek, “yo ho, blow the man down?”...
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Sunday, January 27, 2008
Don’t squash the Walrus
Goo, goo kachoob. I never understood really whether the Walrus was Paul or Paul was the Walrus. Those were strange times, a lot like 5:93a.p.m. A bunch of angels were dancing on the head of a pen, then someone pushed the plunger, now it’s a holy mess. Strange is in this year, maybe that’s why the Chinese New Year will be the year of the Newt Gingrich. Speaking of strange, I hear Amy Whitehouse is going to rehab, yeah, yeah, yeah! Where have all the flowers gone? It’s winter idiot, they’re all in...
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