Monday, December 1, 2008
The only good pun is a bad pun
Recently, medical science has unveiled a study that promises relief to cold and allergy sufferers around the world. According to an exhaustive experiment carried out by tired scientists, simply using a saline nasal spray twice in the morning and twice in the evening will cure the common cold, prevent airborne antigen allergies and add 21 points to your I.Q. Of course, regarding the I.Q. part they offer the usual “your I.Q. may vary. As I read this, I couldn’t help but wonder, "is this true, or...
Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
A guide to trouble codes
How to interpret those pesky trouble codes. Nearly every aspect of modern life involves technologically advanced, well, technology. One of the benefits of this modern way of living is the devices we invite into our homes or drive on the streets can tell us when something is wrong by setting a trouble code. On the surface, this seems all well and good, but dig a little deeper and it all becomes a murky quagmire waiting to douse your spirits and send you into a mental tailspin. By the way the...
Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Do negative ions really exist?
What the heck are negative ions? Have you ever noticed that some people just can’t seem to get anything to work? My wife seems to have them when it comes to electronic devices. I use the garage door opener all the time, it works flawlessly. She uses it and the door goes into some kind of spasmodic mode where it goes up and down endlessly. It will do every function except close. She turned on the microwave the other day and now all the display says is F9. A quick call to Sears revealed that F9...
Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, November 21, 2008
National humor shortage expected.
Wall Street is in the gutter, Wal Mart starts to sputter, Detroit is in the crapper, I can’t even make fun of the clapper. Or can I? Of course I can, it’s my blog after all. Ok, I’ll admit, I had to dig through the archives for this one, but I’ll rework it and present it for your edification. Herewith: Clap on, crap gone. The ingenious minds that brought you the Clapper have come up with yet another device to take your life ever so much closer to Nirvana. Sorry Pearl Jam fans, you’ll have to...
Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Warped World.
“Detach checks from printer before distributing” is an actual reminder in my wife’s accounting program. Oh really? “Geez, miz bean counter, isn’t that a rather large box for a paycheck?” (paycheque for some bloggers) “Well, yes it is trainee, but you see, I forgot to remove them from the printer so take it or leave it!” I’m surprised it doesn’t warn one not to use the printer in the shower. Well, actually it does, I was all wet there. Even more truthfully, since the warning was printed in some...
Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Playboy bunny in custody fight for her Chihuahua
That headline screams from the home page of msn.com and I have to wonder is her Chihuahua hairless or just airbrushed? Heh heh, inside Playboy joke, doncha know. So onto the real poop that is to be scooped from this story. First the Playboy bunnies name is Ida Ljungqvist. Now I think there is a punch line in there somewhere, maybe this is a Swedish sweetie or something like that? Anyway, she and her husband are estranged, and no, I don’t know who was the estrangest but thanks for asking....
Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Leapin’ Lizards!
I was about to buy car insurance from a Gecko. Why? He had this cute English accent and all that, by jove. I mean, if you can’t trust an English Gecko, who can you trust? But then I hear about insurance from a duck and by golly, ducks just quack me up. I remember back in the ‘50s when people used to take a camel’s advice on what cigarettes to buy, walk a mile for them they would. That was some camel, er, corporate spokes animal. Now he’s had plastic surgery and is hawking the new remedy for sex...
Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Things I thought of at work, but probably shouldn’t have.
If you write a story about the life of your car, is it still an autobiography? Or just an autobiography? If you get a self help book and it doesn’t work, do they have a follow up, the self blame book? Is there a town in England named Rusty Frog’s Nipple? If not, why not? Doesn’t it sound positively charming, Rusty Frog’s Nipple on the Thames? Then again, maybe not. Even more again, I’m glad my boss didn’t know I was thinking that! When military personnel arrive at a new base, it is called “in...
Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The joke is on me.
A Nun, an elephant and a rabbit go into a bar. Ok, before I finish, I must tell you, I am making this up as I go, always a dangerous exercise, but a fun one nonetheless. So here goes… The bartender asks, “what’ll it be?” The Nun says (wouldn’t you know it) “none for me.” The elephant says “make mine a double of the strongest stuff you have.” The rabbit says “give me something to calm my nerves, I’m hopping mad!” “So” the bartender asks, “what brings you three together?” The elephant sighs and...
Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
O-Pun season
Now that Barak Obama is the president-elect, its time to come up with a cabinet. For the secretary of finance, he is looking at a tight-rope walking troupe from Prague. It’s the perfect system of Czechs and balances, don’t you think? As for the secretary of agriculture, he’s thinking of Warren Buffet. No, that’s not the pun, but it could be. It seems Mr. Buffet hat written a lengthy new book about his favorite vegetable. He calls it Warren Peas. Bill Clinton wanted in the worst way to be the new...
Sign in to see full entry.
