Bob's Grabbag

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Sunday, February 12, 2012

RETAIL QUESTION? WHOLESALE ANSWER.

Listen to this song-and-dancer! Hip-hop on suburban mall? No way. Just the beat, that's all. Ella, Darth, or Inno Vader? Tell me, where's the elevator! Where you think you are, in Reno, dealing in the Clams Casino? Legal Sea Food's who I thank for Lobster Riots in the tank! I BEEN to France, know... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

THE WELL SPOUSE, An Anecdote

I, caretaker - she, caretaken, know each other's secrets well. We don't - we can't - spend lots of time out of each other's company. At Yankee Stadium one time a matron in the women's bathroom yelled "Get out! I'll call a cop!" when I accompanied Ginny in. (When we are away from home, we do this all... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 10, 2012

THE ZANY PRONOUNCING MACHINE

When I first heard my phone machine attempt to say aloud the names of callers as they called my home, I gasped in startled wonderment! Applaud the effort, not the deed, I once had heard my mother say. But "KIVS-far-MAY-see" was far cry from "CVS the Pharmacy!" I wonder when I'm feeling tipsy how it... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

LET 'A.M.' ALSO STAND FOR 'ABSENT-MINDED'

I count the day when I mistook the tube of antifungal cream for Colgates toothpaste as a day to that extent not wisely spent. (Thank God Ben-Gay was safely in the drawer!) Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

THE OLD SALT'S TALE, Being a True Recital by a Love Boat Crewman

-"Life at sea can, well, change people." - Herman Melville Arrh! Them were the days, I tell ya, mate: the cruise of the Princess Royal, where life was cheap and the feelin's deep, and the passions all a-boil! Now, yer violent type, I'll have ye know, is a chap like me 'n' you, except, of course when... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

WANTED: New Impresario for Next Year's SuperBowl Halftime Show

Must think and plan real big because 2012 was total flop! Everybody's wardrobe functioned! "Refined, restrained, and understated" doesn't cut it any more! It had a diva in her 50's synching lips, not really singing! Left 70 yards of field unused! One hour before, another after, wasted on some... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 6, 2012

THE OMELET CHEF

WANTED: Gifted omelet chef for Sunday brunch at really cool hotel - must crack eggs with just one hand, discard the shells insouciantly, keep two little skillets sizzling, take the orders and not miss as he flicks into the pan of sizzling butter right amounts of onions, cheese, and peppers diced,... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

WEEDS AND POEM OUT OF CONTROL

Jack's mother, disregarding questions of environmental impact, blithely tossed his magic beans out the window carelessly. We all know what happened next - mutant beanstalks by next morning! Last autumn, disregarding questions of environmental impact, I blithely cut down seven trees and lopped off... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

TUXEDO PARK, The Gated Community

Here's to them and to the solitude they paid for on the dotted line! From one who looks and wonders what the life's like back beyond the guard who works the drawbridge semaphore from behind the brick and glass, who buttons or refuses entry to the shy and hidden gentry. Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 3, 2012

MARTIAL ART A LA CARTE, or, The Japanese Hibachi Chef

...wheels up the cart with pans and wells and plastic cruets, lights the hidden gas beneath, greets us all and checks the orders, smiles and jokes inscrutably, claims he's kin to Jackie Chan. Resplendent in his cutlery and pleated toque, he plops a yellow butterlump in sizzle on mid-tabletop...we... Sign in to see full entry.

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