Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Humpty Dumpty, the modern version

Modern kids can’t relate to kings, horses or even an egg sitting on a wall so at this time, Crapload News brings you a public service message that should clear things up. No, we are not the first to cover this story, Cunning Linguist did a bang-up job, but he got me to thinking the whole thing must be confusing in this day and age. Dumpty, it seems was a shy one, never coming out of his shell, then one day he decided it was high time to protest Wal*Mart. He was upset about the Chinese content of... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:09 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, March 21, 2008

Trouble this way comes

The sky is falling! No, it’s just my garage door. I have been cleaning the garage in preparation for a major re-model project so it seemed prudent to park the car outside as I flung boards about and stumbled around with sharp things in my hand. The car is barely over a year old and with two trips to the body shop, I didn’t want to find if the third time really is the charm. When it was time to put things to bed, I pulled the car into it’s space and pushed the garage door button. The door started... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:29 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Life and stuff

Is there more to life than blogging? Of course we all know the answer to that one. Spring has sprung and suddenly projects are literally popping out of the walls in the F4T house. What started out as a simple bathroom re-vamp has suddenly mushroomed into a wall-moving complete re-do of our two bathrooms. I have spent the last few nights moving stuff so we can move the wall! Now I have learned we will be putting siding on the house as well, good thing we have access to a line of credit. Maybe... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:58 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, March 14, 2008

A mental train wreck.

The crossing arms were down, but I was unarmed. Every now and then I like to just let my mind jump the tracks and go where it will. Now that former Gov. Sphincter, oops, make that Spritzer 'fessed up to getting down with ladies of negotiable virtue one has to wonder what our our government is coming to. There are those who say prostitution should be legal, but suppose a married man went to a prostitute and his wife found out, could she then sue, I mean he didn't do anything illegal, the marriage... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:06 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Is life artificial?

I was eating seafood salad, contents - green stuff and imitation crab. Hmmm, it seems imitation crab is made of some fish called White Pollock. I wonder if imitation White Pollock is made from crab? Maybe crab is the seafood equivalent of “tastes like chicken”? Just think, there they were, an innocent school of White Pollock swimming around, the bell rings and one fish swims to the blackboard (yeah, I’m old school). “All right class, today we are studying nutrition.” “Miss Fishmarm, nutrition is... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:48 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Ode to Blogit

I’m not all rippled and hunky I’m just a pale Blogit junky. With sparse thinning hair I choke on the smell of fresh air. Ensconced in my tiny room Lit only by the monitors gloom Doing the one thing I like most Putting out one more silly post! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:03 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, March 10, 2008

I sprang ahead and fell back

“Where are all the clock instruction manuals?” I asked my wife as I prepared to re-set our clocks for daylight saving time. I have heard it is not “savings” time, but “saving” time. Consider that savings would be like a bank and you could withdraw the time you saved, plus a few seconds interest, but the way time really works is not like that at all. Indeed, we aren’t really “saving” any time, it’s all still there, we are just re-arranging it. That is except for that hour of sleep we lose, one... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:42 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, March 9, 2008

What’s so funny?

Headlines that are really punchlines in search of a set-up. Take for instance this one from the msn.com home page, “Gambling addict suing casino for $20million.” Wow, I guess she crapped at how much she lost at the craps table so she decided to take up America’s favorite pastime – I’m sick of working so I think I’ll sue someone so I won’t have to work the rest of my life. She says she was so bad she used wet wipes on her teeth so she wouldn’t have to leave the table, which she says she stayed at... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:19 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, March 7, 2008

A new Animal Planetary show

Animals say the funniest things is set to premier Wednesday morning at 1302 am std western east coast daylight moon time. The host is (don’t get ahead of me now) Bob Barker! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:27 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Mind in progress.

I’m desperately trying to think of something funny. Sometimes it’s hard. That gave me an idea, maybe I should look at some porn, I usually find something on those sites that cracks me up. A lot of women on these sites seem to be attempting to attract a man by putting something behind their ears, namely their ankles. Why are they called adult sites? Very few of the people exposing themselves there are barely over 20. Adult content should be limited to tales of taking out the garbage, the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:58 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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