Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

More of Not So Dumbass’ brave predictions for the future.

The Supreme Court will once again figure into presidential politics. Only, this time instead of the presidential vote count, they will be called on to settle the Democratic nomination vote count. It will be a fight down to the wire where it will finally be an Obama – Clinton / Clintom - Obama ticket with the only question, who comes out on top? Bill is rooting for Hillary. And he hopes she wins the convention too! Should Hillary end up in the White House, look for Whitewater to rear it’s gnarly... Sign in to see full entry.

What about won’t?

Contraction compaction reaction gaining traction. Say that once real fast. We all know about ain’t. My grade school teacher used to say, “ain’t ain’t a word because ain’t ain’t in the dictionary. Well, it probably is now, damn liberals anyway. While we generally accept ain’t as a contraction, it’s really a contradiction since it isn’t contracting anything. Unless, as I’ve heard it is a contraction of aresn’t. Are is not? No, I don’t think so. But what about it’s second cousin, won’t? Look... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

And now for some political incorrectness

This is humor, I will make a joke at the expense of the vision impaired. However, I feel even they might find it funny, since it really does a turn about and points out my stupidiocity. You have been warned, if you are easily offended, turn back now, otherwise, get a grip and be prepared to deal with it. Ok, I saw a news story about a Braille flag. At first I thought, “cool, now the blind have a flag they can enjoy too. Face it, to a blind person, a regular flag probably sounds pretty much like... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

A new TV show

Following in the paw prints of the Animal Channel (say that 3 times real fast) comes a new entry into the mesmerizing world of animal exploitation. Coming soon to a Crapload Communications affiliate near you, look for this thinly veiled copy of “The Dog Whisperer” Set in India, the story follows the attempt by the Taliban to take over that country and their plan is to convert the holy cows of India to a specific sect of Islam, starting with the males. Follow the exploits of Sheik Yamahni Mekkah... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 29, 2008

License please

Blue lights flashing in the mirror, never a good sign. Particularly when they are accompanied by Paisley flags and popcorn fireworks. I pulled my train to the side of the canal and wondered what was going on. The officer swung his legs over his Gazellecycle and tapped on my window with one hoof. I rolled the blinds down and winced at the hissing of steam at they clanged to a stop at the bottom of their travel. The officer craned his long neck down and demanded, “May I see your license to dream?”... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Worst pun discovered

From the heartland where Bovines are king comes the story of cattle rancher Doant Thet Beetall, who it was said, had a cow with a very unusual skill, unusual for any being, much less a cow. This cow could talk, and I know you’ve heard of talking cow stories before and are probably not it the m-o-o-d, but I’d be an udder fool not to regurgitate this cud of thought to chew on. With that out of the way, on to our story. This cow (named most uncreativly, Bossie) not only could talk, but she did it... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 22, 2008

12 questions with F4T.

Tonight I go one-on-one with myself in a penetrating interview designed to reveal things that I may, or may not, want to be revealed. Rather than the usual ten questions, I have decided to go one up and use twelve questions. More info don’t you know. Alright, let’s begin. 1.So F4T, what’s with the twelve questions? Me: Well, didn’t you read the intro that you wrote, what kind of idiot are you? 2.Hey no fair asking questions, leave that to me, now where was I? Me: You were asking about the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The abominable Loch Ness snowman

I may be mixing my metaphors, usually I like to mix bourbon and water. That always helps with meting my mixaphors. Police arrested an English teacher for exposing himself, he was charged with improper use of a dangling preposition. The U.S. Navy blasted an uncontrolled spy satellite to smithereens. Now space is full of uncontrolled smithereens. Should one crash to the ground near you, call the space smithereens hot line and be sure to wash your hands. Identification of these fragments should be... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Caution! Intellect at work (lavishly photo illustrated)

Have you ever taken an IQ test? I did, I took it home in fact. I knew there was no way I could answer all them questions without looking in the Encyclopedia Idiotica for help. Those test make me feel bad, icky in fact, which is why I call them Ick tests. You know, IQ spells ick, don’t it? Why did I have to be the one to figure that out? Einstein didn’t get it, even with his E=mc 2. Perhaps you didn’t know that good old Albert didn’t come up with that first, in fact Austrian physicist Friedrich... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Jumping to conclusions

In conclusion avoid mental contusion and intellectual overload by reading supermarket tabloids. Do Elvis and God really hang out with Liberace? Is Shirley McClain really going to come back as herself? Are Siegfried and Roy really gay or are they just lion? Is the lost city of Atlantis actually Atlantic City and they are just too ashamed to admit it? Is the real reason the Hindenburg crashed because they let Hitler drive and he wasn’t too good at it? Are Jim Morrison, John Lennon and Kurt Kobain... Sign in to see full entry.

May 2025
S	M	T	W	T	F	S
27	28	29	30	1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
Apr \| Newest \| Jun

About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

People

Headlines (What is this?)