Sunday, February 26, 2006
I Sent One More E-Mail to.......
I thought I had written my final e-mail to Mike. As it turns out, I had another one in me after this ring was back on my finger. I had cut it off in his state of California, with his presence in the store. The saleslady at the jewelers, after trying to get it off my finger with Windex and seeing it wasn't budging, heard Mike say, "It needs to come off." She glanced over to see the serious expression on his face, the arms crossed in front of his chest, and knowingly said, "Oooooohhhhh." I will...
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Saturday, February 25, 2006
Two Parallel Weddings
I knew Jay had reservations about even getting married in the first place. Even after our long-term relationship, he felt he needed more experience. He fancied himself as a Playboy photographer, with lots of playmates and lots of sex. Once he got it all out of his system by writing it to me in a letter, he called and said, “I’m okay now. Let’s get married!” He couldn’t stand the thought of losing me and I’d invested almost 10 years in this relationship, and turned away several other...
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Friday, February 24, 2006
Return to Sender
The letter. It had been left for me, pushed through a kitchen door handle, to read as soon as I returned home from a long day of teaching school and a commute of an hour. I really couldn't return it to the sender since it did not come via Uncle Sam. It was from my future husband. But this letter was "the big out," the Dear John letter, the ol' kiss-off. We had years invested in this relationship. I was the one to feel "returned." This is Miss Smith, in October 1976, high school American history...
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
That Letter!
In the autumn of 2005, just before the election and the discovery of my breast cancer, and long before I rediscovered Mike, Jay and I had a significant falling out in our relationship. I don’t even remember the details. I just remember the feeling of loss and of deep mourning of love long lost; questions as to whether love had really ever been there. It reminded me of that letter I had received on the eve of our marriage so many years before. These are terrible questions to consider about one’s...
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Wednesday, February 22, 2006
The Depression Worsened
These pictures were taken about 3 weeks post-Deep Brain Surgery. The top picture is me in my bald-head covering hat, enjoying the church ladies' pie! I am wearing a pre-mikey tee-shirt, little did I know.Below I'm with my two nurse sisters, Boston Sylvia to the left and Arizona Faye to the right. She's the one who fixed me up with the wig! It was a little tight against the wires running under my bald scalp. The flowers were from my best friend, Julie. Jay bought me a plant, the only one I keep...
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Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Business, Love, Depression
Our digital photography business was ahead of its time in 1996. We had 5-year leases on digital equipment that was to put our studio one step ahead of all others in our area. We had trained, traveled, and felt sure in our product. We knew Jay was good and capable. We made the mistake of biting off more than we could chew all at once. We tried to establish a new, fulltime business with a new business concept, digital photography, at the same time. After 2.5 years, we could no longer keep up with...
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Monday, February 20, 2006
Relationship Under the Strain of a Long Term Illness
My first symptoms of Parkinson’s disease (PD) came upon me soon after the birth of my second child when I was age thirty. I had a finger that wouldn’t stop thumping up and down. My little brother noticed it at my son’s baptism and he asked me about it. I said, “It just does that once in a while. No big deal.” He said it would have driven him crazy. I figured it was like a twitch in your eye. It would just “happen,” once in a while. Years later, it was the first symptom Michael J. Fox...
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Sunday, February 19, 2006
Camilla Stomps Her Foot
This is a view of where Mike and I were going to honeymoon, Cabo San Lucas. More on that later in this blog, when the Kansas Camilla Stomps Her Foot Again! Jay and I were married only 6 short years before my Parkinson’s became apparent. Last night in bed, as I snuggled in close, I asked him if I was too needy. Although I could take making love every night, he doesn’t care to. I told him it had been 3 nights but if he wanted to wait again, I was content just sleeping in his arms. I had liked that...
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Saturday, February 18, 2006
Sultry Cee (1972)
“Yet there was always this other person who took you back home and never left us alone. The sultry picture reminded me of that. How silly I was to forget that you knew a photographer back then who would have taken that picture… Of course that was taken some weekend when I was still in Lawrence and you weren’t. Sigh…” --from Mike’s e-mail to me one year ago If you read my story about ”Tomato Soup and Tuna Samiches”, posted January 25, 2006, this is the way I would have looked on that memorable...
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Friday, February 17, 2006
Carole & Mike - one year ago
I kept correspondence between Mike and I, one year ago at this time in February: I was recovering from Breast Cancer and facing radiation treatment. My husband was wrapped up in his worries and woes and how he was going to handle my cancer and his business and was becoming more depressed. He quit seeing his therapist! He felt I just didn't understand what worries he had to face or I just didn't care. I didn't process stress like he did, which didn't mean I didn't care or didn't worry. I was NOT...
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