Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

How deep are your pockets?

Could you buy Chrysler for a cool $42 billion? I looked in my sock and I don’t think they will accept 5 stinky toes. But who would want to pay that much for an automaker in trouble? I guess that comes with the wisdom of having a crapload of cash on hand. When I read about it in the paper I was shocked. Mostly, because I dropped my hairdryer in the bathtub in surprise. Let me tell you, DO NOT try that in your own home. Do it in someone else’s home so you can sure them for a cajillion dollars and... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

How about a quickie?

A country singer named Keith Urban? Ironic, maybe. But what we need now is a hip-hop artist called D.J. Cowhand, that would complete the cycle. Some say Keith has the voice of a God, but I think that’s purely Urban legend! That is all for now. At ease! Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Say something funny

What’s it like to be put on the spot? I have been introduced to people and one of the first things said is, “he is funny as hell, say something funny” or words to that affect. Yes, I do fancy myself as somewhat of a humorist. But I like to study my victims, er audience before I launch into something they may not find particularly funny. That also allows me to come up with things that are unique to the situation. This afternoon, we were going to the lake with my sister’s grandkids. The little... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Have you ever wondered?

The world around us is full of strange things. Take the dial tone on you telephone. Are there downloadable dial tones? You can download ring tones from now until forever but you are stuck with that one annoying dial tone, what gives? Or the record club that says, buy one at the regular price, get 2 free and then take unlimited $2.99 CDs! Really, unlimited? What about box sets? What about the artists they don’t cover? What if they run out of CDs, then it would actually be limited wouldn’t it?... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Freeform thoughts

Fasten your psyche belts, this train of thought is scheduled to depart the minute it arrives, place you arms in an upright position and wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care, especially if you really, actually in fact, don’t care. Radio shock jock apologizes to girl’s basketball team. What is the world coming to, do we actually have to speak responsibly in public? Do we really have to watch what we say about any and everyone? Pretty much, with the exception of Congress, that is,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Am I crazy? a repost

It has been suggested that yours truly has too much time on his hands, or maybe I am crazy. Anyone that thinks I have too much spare time is crazy. But then, if you are reading me, you’re not crazy at all, not yet at least. From time to time it may seem as if I am trying to drive you crazy. Guilty as charged, but I am only trying to draw you into the world inside my head. The one inhabited by my alter ego, the maniac that has a smart-ass answer for everything. The one that could get a person... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

CRAPLOAD NEWS exposes Easter Bunny

After years of hiding eggs, even little children are still able to find them. Why doesn’t the Easter Bunny get any better at hiding eggs, a hardboiled report from ace reporter Kant Stoptalkinboutit. Now, for the lowdown on this story, let’s hop to it. Every since the Easter Bunny decided to hide eggs, apparently in an attempt to store food away for leaner times, people have been finding those eggs and consuming them for themselves. What gives? How do the bunnies survive with their food supply... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

What the instructions forgot to mention

Assembly is the reverse of disassembly. Yeah, you’ve seen it before, but it’s never quite that easy. They don’t tell you where to find all the springs, washers, ribitizers, gowallagings and whatzitz that flew to every corner of the room. Nor do they mention that since your original unit was shipped on the Mayflower, new technology has since rendered the carcass of whatever you are trying to fix, just that, a carcass. I just finished putting a new light fixture in my garage. On the surface, it... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

About those bats in my belfry.

Do common sayings drive you bats? Me too. Or me three, as the case may be. What case? Was it brought before a judge, or was it a book without a cover, in which case it couldn’t be judged. One should always have someone to plead one’s case, just in case. Is it order in the court room or hors dourves? I think the jury would like that better, but the verdict isn’t in on that one yet. I think it s a hung jury. How they know what size genitalia an all male jury has is beyond me. Over my head too, for... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Strange things in the news.

Mexican border fence execs busted for illegal workers. No, I did not make that up, it really happened. Sort of odd don’t you think? Here they are, a company the U.S. government hired to build a fence to keep out illegal immigrants and it is being built by ~gasp~ illegal immigrants. If you ever wanted a definition of irony, that is it. The execs plead guilty and were ordered to serve 1040 hours community service. Wait, 1040, as in the infamous tax form 1040? Is this someone’s idea of another... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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