Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, March 9, 2007

Helpful hint number 43298

Does your parrot keep falling off it’s perch? This can be an annoying and embarrassing problem, not to mention dangerous for you bird. “How can I keep my parrot safe on his perch?” I hear you asking. Well, here’s my answer, try new Polly Grip! Send $5000 today and you will get, absolutely free another stupid pun, and did we mention it’s at no extra cost? Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:53 PM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Run over by the love train.

Got a song runnin’ through my head, it just won’t leave I fear, not at least until I’m dead! Love train, love train. I wish that song would hit the road Jack because is it not a cool jerk. I’d like to go to China Grove down by the old black water, Mississippi moon keep on shinin’ your light. I’d swim like a fish in the sea and live in a yellow submarine. Let’s go to Strawberry fields, baby you can drive my car, it’s my little deuce coupe because daddy took your T-bird away. It was a white bird... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:52 PM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Who is Red Green and what is Possum Lodge?

“I’m a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.” That is the Possum Lodge Man’s prayer that ends every installment of the Red Green Show. Red Green is a comedy from the Canadian Public Broadcast system, I think, I guess. Every week one finds the residents enmeshed in some scheme that always seems to backfire. The show is set as a show within a show as Red and his nephew Harold narrate the weeks adventures. Along the way are tips for middle aged men “please wear a shirt, you’re confusing the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:05 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Do you suppose?

When Pablo Picasso was a baby, his mother used to fondly call him Pablum Picasso? It could explain a lot, you know! I’ve simply got to stop watching Monty Python’s Flying Circus, the high shrill Englishwoman’s voice is driving the cat crazy. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 2:20 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Dreams of neveryday life.

Pyroclastic flows of chicken gravy flow down the flanks of a mountain of mashed potatoes. Out of the top springs Al Sharpton, microphone in hand singing, “I want you to want me!” The Goodyear blimp soars by only to have a blowout, Hillary Clinton jumps to safety using Barak Obama for a parachute. Talk about a falling out. Al Gore rows a rapidly melting iceberg into the sun, all the while singing, Hot, Hot, Hot! Saturday Night Live is dead and not any too grateful about the whole thing. Newsman... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:09 PM | add or view comments (14) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

It’s time to get serous about humor.

A Rabbi, a rabbit and a Rastafarian walk into a bar. That’s a good lead in, but where does it go? Oh, I thought you were paying attention, it went into a bar. Then the bartender says, “what’s with the long phase?” Actually, he didn’t say that, he asked it. I can tell right away, making this joke work is going to be hard. Maybe I should try Viagra? The Rastafarian ordered a Viagra on the rocks. Hmm, not bad, that could go somewhere. By the way, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I am including... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:44 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Why did the chicken cross the road?

At last, the truth can be told! It wasn't merely to get to the other side, it was what was on that other side that drew the chicken's curiosity. Or maybe the chicken wanted to beat the egg to the other side of the road. That way it could count the egg before it hatched, or hatched a plot to hatchet the chicken's head off and we all know how those chickens run around in that instance. Even more likely, the chicken had been told not to cross the road and since it was a teenage chicken (that's... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:32 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Something funny about a bunny.

There, I’ve said it, and I am in deep doo. Once again I have set out to construct a humor blog with the barest idea of what I am going to do. I have the title, but that’s it so far. What’s so funny about a bunny after all? I don’t know, I mean they are hairy and also hare-ey and they breed like, well, bunnies. Come to think of it, I would like to be re-incarnated as a bunny, a buck specifically. Maybe work on a bunny stud farm, Easter would be my favorite time of year. All those chickens laying... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:39 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

They had better roll back prices.

I have a beef with Wal-Mart. I wanted to re-model my house and needed a dividing wall to convert one end of the living room to a den. So I went to Wal-Mart, but it turns out they don’t have any walls! No, really, have you ever seen a wall in a Wal-Mart, other that in the bathrooms? Me either, so I had to raise the roof. I went to the bakery then and dropped a Kaiser roll on the floor, which immediately rolled back under the counter. I wanted them to give me a discount because it exceeded the... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:05 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Costco sells caskets! a repost

That giant warehouse that offers the special savings of 50 gallon barrels of vitamin C offers something that will surprise you. Ok, I haven’t seen the display in one of the stores and no sample ladies complete with hairnets offering to let you test one. But log onto the online store and you will see right there among all the other categories, yes believe your eyes booby, caskets! That’s right, just what everyone will need for that eternal dirt-nap, complete with silk lining, luxurious hand... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:50 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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