Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Too puns walked into a bar…

In an effort to go really green the agriculture industry is looking for new ways to use excess bovine nutrients, you know, the stuff scraped off the barn floor? It seems they mix the, I’ll just be technical here, cow poop with water to form a slurry that is pumped into tanks on small airplanes then spread over the farm land. The only problem is, it seems no pilots want to be known as crap dusters. Did you know that Cobras are very fussy about their dental health? Yes, they go to extremes to make... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:24 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, April 8, 2010

About roll back time at, well, you know.

They have lots of lawyers so I won’t say, but you should know. So does that mean that every roll will have a back? I always thought rolls had a top and bottom but not necessarily a back. To be fair, some muffin tops have a backside but that is not really the same. With roll back time following daylight savings time and spring ahead, won’t people become confused? I know I am and you should be too. Rolling usually involves moving forward. When soldiers say, “lets roll” you can be sure they will be... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:03 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Helpful hints or brain dents?

Don’t chew with your mouth full. Don’t talk with your mouth open. Don’t sneeze with the back of your hand. Suspenders are good for holding up your pants, but absolutely no good for holding up a bank. When you lead a horse to Rome, do as the Hungarians do. Always say please and thank you but not all the time. Now that I have made your life easier, don’t for get to say thank you and please with your eyes shut. Good day! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:04 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A few predictive thoughts

First, at some time, California will legalize marijuana. At some time California will slide into the Pacific Ocean. Shortly after, pizza chains will go broke! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:59 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What did you do on your spring break?

I frikken worked! Are you frikken kidding me, I’m a frikken grown up, I don’t get a frikken spring break! I am not a happy camper even if I am not camping, because I’m frikken working! Enjoy your spring break all you whippersnappers, because one of these days you’ll be frikken working too, then it won’t be so frikken funny! HA! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:23 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, March 27, 2010

What’s so funny?

Whenever I sit down to write something for this humor blog, I’m never quite sure what is going to happen. Some days I have an idea spurred by something I may have heard or read that I misinterpreted. Some days I have a kernel of truth to imbed in an amusing (or at least I hope it’s amusing) story or construct for a joke. Other days I just write down my mental misfires without any preconceived conception or perception without any real purpose other than to turn up the corners of the readers... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:22 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, March 26, 2010

Of Sandra Bullock and all the rest

Sandy is back on the market! Well, maybe not quite yet, but once she sues old dumb-ass for half his tattoos, boy will he be sorry. Maybe he was trying to be the Tiger Woods of whatever it is he does. Then I hear that there is going to be a new Speed II where Sandra Bullock is on a cruise ship that has been rigged to blow up if it goes slower than 30 knots. Ships Captain: Attention all hands and passengers, we have a situation, we need someone to drive the ship and you can’t slow down. I don’t... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:31 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Another product we don’t really need – Kat Koffee

Are you tired of your cat lazily laying on your lap purring all day? Now with Kat Koffee that little puss with no boots will be flying around the house, climbing the drapes, bouncing off the ceiling and endlessly sharpening it’s claws on your leg! Kat Koffee is brought to you by the same folks who gave you Doggie Downers and Terrance the Turtle Soup kits, just because your pet turtle kicked the bucket is no reason you can’t enjoy him or her one last time. Read the disclaimer as fast as you can.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:30 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, March 20, 2010

And what if

Beverly Sills formed a supergroup with Bill Cosby, The Clash and Wang Chung, I think by now you know it would be called Cosby, Sills, Clash and Chung! Or maybe not. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:05 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, March 19, 2010

What’s in a name anyway?

If Beverly Sills had been born a man and had a male sibling, they could have sang under the name The Beverly Brothers! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:03 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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