Public Speaking Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it. You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get. Our speaker... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Never tick off the missus! II
One night my exhusband invited someone over to our house to drink. We had a newborn son who had colic. They played music and drank until about 10pm. He decided to take him home and was hours late without a phone call. I spent hours rocking the son to get him to sleep. Finally I had him asleep so... Sign in to see full entry.
I can spell
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. "What's the matter, son," asked his mother. "Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my marks. They're all wet." "What do you mean `all wet?'" "I mean," he replied, "below C-level." Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sweep the Floor Your first job will be to sweep the floor. But I'm a college student the young man replied. In that case give me the broom - I'll show you how. Sign in to see full entry.
whats the speed limit?
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on! Sister: Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know.... Sign in to see full entry.
Never try to outquote your parents on the bible...
A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies,:"O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."... Sign in to see full entry.
Ask a smartalek
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Lawyers must had written these!
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." Q:... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Never tick off the missus!
A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and... Sign in to see full entry.