Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, December 21, 2012

Which would you rather operate on?

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered. The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

oooooooooooooo that's where they come from!

A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband has developed a penchant for anal sex. So I came to you for advice." "Ok, let's see...does it hurt you?" "Hmmmm.. a little." "Do you like it?" "Hmmm..... well, yes." "Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't do it. If you take care about... Sign in to see full entry.

Men unite

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never Be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can... Sign in to see full entry.

I would have given more...

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a... Sign in to see full entry.

Who says accountants don't have a sense of humor?

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is... Sign in to see full entry.

Resume bloopers

These are from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

god's creations

Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be... Sign in to see full entry.

death in the family

One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the... Sign in to see full entry.

The blondes' pigs...poor piggies

One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart. So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So she cut her pig's tail off. That night the pigs got in a fight and one pig bit the other... Sign in to see full entry.

Problems in math

Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Tommy... Sign in to see full entry.