Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, December 22, 2012

einstein, picasso and bush

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some... Sign in to see full entry.

presidential test

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question... Sign in to see full entry.

Unusual laws worldwide

"No clergyman shall tell a funny story from the pulpit" (West Virginia). In Atlanta, GA, it is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. Federal law forbids recycling used eyeglasses in the United States. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood... Sign in to see full entry.

Poor monica

Monica L. had taken some clothes in to be cleaned. The attendant was an old man, hard of hearing. She was telling the man what she wanted, and was holding a dress while talking. The old man put a hand up to his ear, and said, "Come again?" "No," said Monica, "It's mustard this time!" Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 21, 2012

911

Holidays around a police precinct are always lively, especially in the 911 areas. One particular night, a drunk calls in, and the following communication began: "911, what is your emergency?" "Osifer, I've been robbed!" "Can you be more specific sir?" "Osifer, someone stole my steering wheel, my gas... Sign in to see full entry.

Men answering our questions

A MAN'S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching... Sign in to see full entry.

Barkeep's prayer

Our lager, which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us, and lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us form hangovers, For thine is the beer, The... Sign in to see full entry.

How to impress

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her cuddle her kiss her caress her love her stroke her tease her comfort her protect her hug her hold her spend money on her wine & dine her buy things for her listen to her care for her stand by her support her go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO... Sign in to see full entry.

Roadkill

A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by. One day, he spotted a priest... Sign in to see full entry.

Punishment

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a... Sign in to see full entry.