Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, December 23, 2013

lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 3:22 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, December 22, 2013

confession

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'. "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 2:18 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

think about it

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window. If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP? Jury: Twelve people who determine which... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 2:17 AM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Composers

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him."... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 3:08 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Ponder this!

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. A closed mouth gathers no feet It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 3:06 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 4:05 PM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

even deeper thoughts

If a tin whistle is made out of tin, what exactly is a fog horn made out of? How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges? Five out of four people have trouble with fractions Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us are out of film. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 3:40 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, December 16, 2013

More deep thoughts

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him - Is he still wrong? What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company? If vegetable oil comes from vegetables, where does baby oil come from? If quitters never win and winners never quit,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 2:28 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Ponder this!

Is there another word for synonym? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 5:47 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Respect

Yesterday at work someone was playing their ipod. Aretha Franklin was one of the artists. The song Respect came on and of course no one can sing it like Aretha. One of the younger guys asked who it was. That's Aretha Franklin. "Uretha Franklin? " We all started laughing. Molly said "No Uretha is... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 4:16 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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humorous tales from my life and jokes that I think will make you laugh

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