Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

advice

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal... Sign in to see full entry.

Parking

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Bob's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 23, 2013

jumping

A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first? The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions. Sign in to see full entry.

ABC's of breaking up with her

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married... Sign in to see full entry.

who wants to be a millionaire

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"... Sign in to see full entry.

lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

confession

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'. "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or... Sign in to see full entry.

think about it

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window. If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP? Jury: Twelve people who determine which... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Composers

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him."... Sign in to see full entry.

Ponder this!

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. A closed mouth gathers no feet It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. Sign in to see full entry.