Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Groaner!

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having a long drawn out duel on Christmas Eve. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared at him. "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!" Luke fought himself free and jumped to a... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

thoughts to ponder...women

Insanity is my only means of relaxation. Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a... Sign in to see full entry.

If men got pregnant...

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay. 2. There would be a cure for stretch marks. 3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem. 5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective. 6. Children would be kept in... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 27, 2013

qUOTES

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. Andy Rooney The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. George Carlin If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. -- Paul Beatty In... Sign in to see full entry.

Complaint

Complaint Letter An allegedly real-life customer complaint letter sent to the NTL complaints dept.. Dear Cretins I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

advice

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal... Sign in to see full entry.

Parking

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Bob's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 23, 2013

jumping

A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first? The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions. Sign in to see full entry.

ABC's of breaking up with her

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married... Sign in to see full entry.

who wants to be a millionaire

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"... Sign in to see full entry.