jumping
A blonde and a brunette both jumped off a cliff at the same time. Which made it to the ground first? The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions. Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, December 23, 2013
ABC's of breaking up with her
A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married... Sign in to see full entry.
who wants to be a millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"... Sign in to see full entry.
lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'. "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or... Sign in to see full entry.
think about it
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad at you but when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window. If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it FED UP? Jury: Twelve people who determine which... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Composers
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him."... Sign in to see full entry.
Ponder this!
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. A closed mouth gathers no feet It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere. Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power... Sign in to see full entry.
even deeper thoughts
If a tin whistle is made out of tin, what exactly is a fog horn made out of? How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges? Five out of four people have trouble with fractions Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us are out of film. Sign in to see full entry.