Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, February 28, 2014

catch phrases for work

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 5.... Sign in to see full entry.

i just wanna know

A man goes to the police station wanting to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before. ‘You’ll get your chance in court,’ says the desk sergeant. ‘No, no, no! says the man. ‘I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!’ Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

how i wish i could really say things like this!

A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line. When the cashier called for a price check on... Sign in to see full entry.

spelling test

A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?" To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

love

“I thought you were going to marry Eddie? You said it was love at first sight.” “It was – it was the second and third sights that put me off him.” Sign in to see full entry.

Corporate dictionary for today

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 24, 2014

star athlete in training

With his ball and bat in hand Little Pete walked to home plate in an empty baseball field. As he threw the ball up in the air, he announced, “I am the best ball player ever!” He swung with all his power, but missed. He did the same thing and missed again. He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more... Sign in to see full entry.

diapers

Why did the woman only change her baby’s diaper once a month? On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds" Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Playing with words

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d by bagels Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg? A. Limp biscuit Sign in to see full entry.

church isn't what it used to be

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring... Sign in to see full entry.