up and walking
Doctor, you were right when you said you’d have me on my feet and walking in no time. That’s good John; when did you start walking? When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it. Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, October 3, 2014
surgery
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "Oops!" Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
shopping
A husband and wife are shopping in their local HEB. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife. They carry on with their... Sign in to see full entry.
interview
A man was sitting at an interview, in his new suit, looking his very best. As he put his hands down to make a point, he and his interviewer noticed the price tag was still attached to the sleeve. "Well", the man said, "at least I can take the suit back if I don't get the job. Sign in to see full entry.
captivity
Day 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
lan of opportunity
It says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving." It says: "Press A Key" (This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.) It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you... Sign in to see full entry.
you and computer
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with your computer when.... 1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed. 2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, September 29, 2014
opposites
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" "Elation." "And you, sir, how about the opposite of woe?" "I believe that would be giddy up..." Sign in to see full entry.
tie me up
A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing. Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
my dad says
Yes, Theo, what is it? Asked the teacher. I don’t wan to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I didn’t get better marks, someone was going to get a licking. Sign in to see full entry.