groaner...cute though
Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? A. Dam! Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
daily paper
A professor of English and the editor of the local newspaper had many friendly arguments. One Friday evening the professor was walking out of a local club with a bottle of whiskey wrapped in that day’s newspaper. “Oh!” said the editor, who was walking past. “Looks like there’s something interesting... Sign in to see full entry.
lawyer at the gates
A famous lawyer, who had been a public defender for years, dies. He finds himself standing at the back of an enormous queue outside the gates of Heaven. The queue before him is enormous. The number of people who die in a single day appalls him. He can barely see St Peter sitting up on a podium... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
oh lil johnny!
A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over... Sign in to see full entry.
lil johnny on the loose again
Little Johnny “why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks. “I used his pen,” he replied. Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
what bosses really think
The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual Federal (U.S.) employee performance evaluations: - "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." - "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." - "He would argue with a signpost." - "A... Sign in to see full entry.
signs
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At... Sign in to see full entry.
quotes
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, October 6, 2014
grant
A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life. He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant. After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive. The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?" The general answered... Sign in to see full entry.
good news ... bad news
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.” With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters... Sign in to see full entry.