lil johnny on the loose again
Little Johnny “why is your homework in your Dads writing?” the teacher asks. “I used his pen,” he replied. Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
what bosses really think
The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual Federal (U.S.) employee performance evaluations: - "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." - "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." - "He would argue with a signpost." - "A... Sign in to see full entry.
signs
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At... Sign in to see full entry.
quotes
In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push." On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog." At... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, October 6, 2014
grant
A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life. He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant. After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive. The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?" The general answered... Sign in to see full entry.
good news ... bad news
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good news Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.” With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
dog shopping
The Smartest Dog Ever As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look... Sign in to see full entry.
wanted
SINGLE FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, October 3, 2014
up and walking
Doctor, you were right when you said you’d have me on my feet and walking in no time. That’s good John; when did you start walking? When I got your bill doctor, I had to sell my car to pay it. Sign in to see full entry.
surgery
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "Oops!" Sign in to see full entry.