Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, December 25, 2015

Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like

10. Hey! There's a gift! 9. Well, well, well... 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires. 5. If the dog buries it, I'll... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

bus stop

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the... Sign in to see full entry.

Pun for adnohr

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Mom...

young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After... Sign in to see full entry.

I bequeath

Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

6 sheets to the wind

The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to the nearest bar and got thoroughly trashed. A couple of pals decided to play a trick on him. They snuck out, turned his horse around, and went back to join the hapless for a few more rounds. The next morning, when the... Sign in to see full entry.

C&W songs

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure. 23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling. 21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 21, 2015

baby speaks out

A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?" "Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!" "Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my... Sign in to see full entry.

fishin

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out on the water, the boy suddenly became curious about things in general and started asking all sorts of questions. He asked his father, "Why does the boat float? The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

momisms

. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning." 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to... Sign in to see full entry.