Saturday, December 26, 2015
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed... Sign in to see full entry.
Friday, December 25, 2015
shoes
"Here's a Christmas request I can't give," Santa said to Mrs. Claus. "Why not?" asked Mrs. Claus. "Here, read the letter." Dear Santa, Will you please bring me some crocodile shoes for Christmas? Thanks, Pete "But you have lots of crocodile shoes," said Mrs. Claus. "Why can't you give him a pair?"... Sign in to see full entry.
Top Ten Things To Say About A Christmas Gift You Don't Like
10. Hey! There's a gift! 9. Well, well, well... 8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4 sizes that would've fit. 7. This is perfect for wearing around the basement. 6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires. 5. If the dog buries it, I'll... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
bus stop
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the... Sign in to see full entry.
Pun for adnohr
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes... Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Mom...
young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After... Sign in to see full entry.
I bequeath
Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
6 sheets to the wind
The cowhand got paid on Friday and immediately rode into town and proceeded to the nearest bar and got thoroughly trashed. A couple of pals decided to play a trick on him. They snuck out, turned his horse around, and went back to join the hapless for a few more rounds. The next morning, when the... Sign in to see full entry.
C&W songs
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure. 23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling. 21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, December 21, 2015
baby speaks out
A baby was born with the ability to talk. The first thing he said when he was born was, "Are you my mom?" "Why, yes!" his mother said. "I am!" "Well," the baby said, "I wanted to thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born." Then he looks around the room and says, "Are you my... Sign in to see full entry.