Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, September 26, 2015

dr dr

Farmer Gossman goes to the vet and says, "My horse is constipated." The vet says, "Take one of these pills, put it in a long tube, stick the other end in the horse's ass, and blow the pill up there." Farmer Gossman comes back the next day, and he looks very sick. The vet says, "What happened?"... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 25, 2015

parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's obscene" the priest exclaimed, then he... Sign in to see full entry.

dogs

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. 2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all. 3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!! 4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

listen to my instructions

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By... Sign in to see full entry.

at the auction

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

aw lil ducky

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers. The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers. Sure enough, the... Sign in to see full entry.

golfing

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 21, 2015

farm life

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties... Sign in to see full entry.

wild rabbits

A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking, for the first time in his life. "Wow," he thought. "This is great." It wasn't long before he came to a hedge. After squeezing under it, he saw a... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

bird house

Leo, our neighbor, came home with a birdhouse one day. My husband kidded him, asking how many birds could afford deluxe accommodations in our suburban neighborhood. "Leave that to me," Leo replied. Soon that birdhouse was dangling from a tree with a neat sign that read: "Room for wren--cheep." Sign in to see full entry.