puns
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game. BagFaceMan - England Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, September 5, 2016
Saturday, September 3, 2016
following instructions
According to the Knight Rider News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the US Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated as "Wash. Biol. Surv."; until the agency received the... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
knock knock adnohr
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Robin. Robin who? Robin the piggy bank again. Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
surgery
Joe and Jim were out cutting wood, and Jim cut his arm off. Joe wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to a surgeon. The surgeon said "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in 5 hours." So Joe left and when he returned in 5 hours the surgeon said "I got done quicker... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
bring me
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, the captain put on and led the... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, August 29, 2016
sigh
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that shit on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
which is it?
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, August 22, 2016
you're in the army
The chief of staff of the US Army decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that would be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new... Sign in to see full entry.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
too hot
It's even hotter than usual in Phoenix, 116 degrees sets a new record, the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County Jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts. On Wednesday,... Sign in to see full entry.
Thursday, August 18, 2016
sunburned
A man fell asleep on the beach.He woke up several hours later and suffered a severe sunburn to his legs and was taken to the closest hospital, which happened to be a U.S. Naval Hospital.His skin had turned a bright red and was very painful and had started to blister. Anything that touched his legs... Sign in to see full entry.