Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

ducks

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 7:38 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 21, 2016

what is that sound?

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:03 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, November 20, 2016

quotes

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~Alex Levine Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:04 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 17, 2016

quotes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea... Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge What would men be without women? Scarce, sir.. mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain By all... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 5:56 PM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

new defs V

Seamstress seem'-stres: describes 200 pounds in a size two. Selfish sel'-fish: what the owner of a seafood store does. Subdued sub-dood': a guy, that works on one of those submarines. Sudafed sood'-a-fed: bringing litigation against a government official Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:58 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 14, 2016

new defs IV

Paradox par'-u-doks: two physicians. Parasites par'-uh-sites: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: a helper on the farm. Polarize po'-lur-ize: what penguins in Antarctica see. Primate pri'-mat: removing your spouse from in front of the TV. Relief ree-leef': what... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 7:07 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 12, 2016

new defs III

Eclipse i-klips': what an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: a clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes hee'-rhos: what a guy in a boat does. Left Bank left' bangk': what the robber did when his bag was full of loot. Misty mis'-tee: How golfers create divots. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:34 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 11, 2016

new defs II

If you are easily offended then please don't read this entry.... Trumped Woman being grabbed by her P****y by stranger without her consent Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 5:15 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 10, 2016

new defs

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney buh-lo'-nee: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette burn'-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize bur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with. Control... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 7:21 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

death row

On a given night, 2 death row inmates are scheduled to be electrocuted on old sparky. While one execution is in progress, the pastor administers to the other condemned man in his cell. "Don't worry my son", says the pastor, "as soon as the high voltage reaches your brain, it numbs all your senses,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:12 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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humorous tales from my life and jokes that I think will make you laugh

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