Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, February 29, 2016

askin

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord.. "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks," Can I have a... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 28, 2016

jeez

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice." The priest replied, "Well, my son, when was the last... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

young minister

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now." The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 26, 2016

please pray for my husband

A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting one Sunday morning, took the microphone from one of the church ushers, and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

please explain

Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring,and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

mice in church

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. The second Pastor then said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

military training

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop "If the enemy is in range, so are... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 22, 2016

my son's a vet

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small churchfound a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

burglary

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 19, 2016

mice!

We have mice in the house again. They keep leaving the darn garage door open for the dog to go outside. They seem to refuse to take the dog on a leash as required by local law. sigh. The other day I heard it in my closet. One of them was trying to get into my chocolates my son gave me for christmas.... Sign in to see full entry.

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