Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, November 28, 2016

Remedies

Now I personally don't recommend using any of these except #7. 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 10:41 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, November 27, 2016

george carlin philosphy

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 6:36 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Law of sex

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. (I don't agree with this one.) 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 5:34 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 25, 2016

asking for golf tips

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 10:47 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 24, 2016

signs

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? I understand people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 8:20 AM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

did he really say that?

" I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." - George Bush, former U.S. President "It is white." - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 11:58 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

ducks

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 7:38 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 21, 2016

what is that sound?

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:03 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, November 20, 2016

quotes

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. ~Alex Levine Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:04 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 17, 2016

quotes

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea... Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge What would men be without women? Scarce, sir.. mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain By all... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 5:56 PM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

humorous tales from my life and jokes that I think will make you laugh

Recent Entries
People
Links

Headlines (What is this?)