The Flatliner Diaries

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

An Aspirin A Day Will Keep The Reaper Away

I just saw an aspirin commercial where a female sadly relates that her husband had had a heart attack. The next line: "It was the worst." And then she goes on to tell how the doctors prescribed an aspirin a day, blah, blah, blah. Now, if it had been the worst, don't you think her husband would have... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

What Do They Call The L.A. Jail Now That There's A Hilton In It?

You know the old practice of calling every jail a "Hilton." In Vietnam, our POW's were kept at the "Hanoi Hilton" in North Vietnam. Depending on where you live, the common designation is usually __________ (your city or county) Hilton. I know that they call the jail Paris Hilton is in the L.A.... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Banned Commercial -- The Importance Of Learning English

I found this one on I thought it was going to be about immigrants that refuse to learn passable English, but I was wrong. Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Have You Ever Given Someone An Idea For A Crime?

Like that time I was helping this lady put a bunch of big containers in her car, when I said, "Ya know, you can dispose of a few kids with these; they're just the right size." She laughed and said, "I hope it doesn't come to that." I aksed what she did for a living. She said she ran a Day Care... Sign in to see full entry.

The French Elect President Who Is Close To Bush

The good thing about the election of Nicolas Sarkozy as president of France is that he not only is conservative and has close ties with Bush, he's vowed to bring France's political agenda closer to that of the United States. Why is this a good thing? It means that, even when Bush leaves office, we... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It's Only Been 4.1 Million Years Since We Told Chimps To F**k Off

It probably occurred when some prissy-ass chimp stood up and said, "Now, damn it, I don't care how much I don't like him. I'm not throwing my feces at him. How disgusting. I think I'll go shave my legs and chest." Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Sign On The Door Of Nymphomaniacs Anonymous

Each door within the community building has its signs designating the agency or groups within. On the door of the meeting room of Nymphomaniacs Anonymous is the sign "New Members Welcome". Isn't that the attitude that made them nymphomaniacs in the first place? Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Straight Shootin' From The Hip About Male Sex Addicts

It seems that these days everyone is going into rehab because they can't control themselves. But the one condition that annoys the hell out of me is when these male actors or rockers or whatever let the world know that they're sex addicts. Really? What man isn't? And more pertinent to the topic:... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, April 9, 2007

A Pope Hasn't Crapped In The Woods In Centuries

"I'd rather be party to dropping a bear than be part of a bear's droppings." The above, I believe, is attributable to a long gone pope, a comment made to a rhetorical rejoinder about bears crapping in the woods. --- comment made to Nautikos' post "It's spring..." --- Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Porn School

The school district of Union City, New Jersey, is investigating the after hours viewing of pay-per-view porn movies using a cable box in one of their schools. It seems that the unknown culprit ran up a bill of $250 -- a considerable sum, considering that each movie charge was between $4.95 and... Sign in to see full entry.

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