Sunday, February 6, 2005
Quite Possibly, I Am A Disgusting Human Being.
I’m not sure whether it was the total lack in good sex that made me decide to do it, or whether it was simply a curiosity spurred on by a scene from the film, ‘Road Trip’. Whatever the reason, the fact that I voluntarily stuck my fingers up my bottom trying to find the male g spot probably renders...
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Friday, February 4, 2005
Who Gives A Shit About The Pope Anyway?
Hands up those people who actually give a shit that the pope is in hospital with the sniffles? Hmm, I don’t see many hands...but then again I am looking at the keyboard so I can see what shit I’m typing out. For the purpose of making this easy for me, I shall assume from here on that you don’t care...
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Wednesday, February 2, 2005
PIMP MY WIFE
I like watching that program on MTV called ‘Pimp My Ride’. For those of you who aren’t fortunate enough to posses the intellectual capacity to understand MTV programming, let me give you a quick run down of how the show works. Basically, a rapper called Xzibit gives one lucky person the chance to...
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Monday, January 31, 2005
Do Real Men Write Poetry?
The short answer is n. If I was a woman (again), the last thing I would want to receive from my boyfriend/husband/potential shag, is poetry. Poetry is the only form of writing intended for women, and women only. Poetry was originally created by a committee of angry and lonely housewives who hadn’t...
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Sunday, January 30, 2005
My Ideal Girlfriend
One of life’s biggest disappointments is the total lack of any customisable girlfriend facilities. You know, we can blast satellites into space and send remote controlled toasters to Mars. We can even wipe entire countries off the map with a few well placed atomic bombs. Heck, we even have the...
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Saturday, January 29, 2005
The Ignorant American.
After yesterday’s post I turned off the computer and spent some quality time with my Robo Wank machine (well it was Friday night). When I returned to Blogit this morning I found I had been left a lot of disgruntled comments from several bloggers. Of course, mocking the "disabled" was never going to...
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Friday, January 28, 2005
DISABLED PARKING SPACES: AN ETERNAL SYMBOL OF STUPIDITY.
Parking a car can often be a serious pain in the arse. Having to circle endlessly around a public car park looking for a space is as entertaining as punching yourself in the face. It’s a strenuous game usually played with a strict time limit. You think you see one but it’s occupied by a smaller car....
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
I Need Assurance From People I Don’t Know
One of the great things about the Internet is it affords people like me another opportunity to seek assurance from people I will never meet in real life. See, I enjoy being one of those people who criticise myself in the hope that someone will respond by dismissing my criticisms before heaping...
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Friday, January 21, 2005
My Robo-Wank Machine
Last night on the Internet, possibly under the influence of some natural flavoured smoke, I ordered myself a Robo-Wank machine. Said machine apparently increases penis size as well as emulating perfect oral sex. And what a bargain it was, too, costing only sixty pounds. That’s about $120 USD....
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
Is 2006 Going To Be The End Of The World?
According to an encoded Bible message, there will be an atomic holocaust in the year 2006. This information came from the pretentious cretin who wrote the Bible Code books, Michael Drosnin. Drosnin has found many messages hidden in the Bible that relate to events which have already taken place. For...
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