Monday, January 31, 2005
Do Real Men Write Poetry?
The short answer is n. If I was a woman (again), the last thing I would want to receive from my boyfriend/husband/potential shag, is poetry. Poetry is the only form of writing intended for women, and women only. Poetry was originally created by a committee of angry and lonely housewives who hadn’t...
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Sunday, January 30, 2005
My Ideal Girlfriend
One of life’s biggest disappointments is the total lack of any customisable girlfriend facilities. You know, we can blast satellites into space and send remote controlled toasters to Mars. We can even wipe entire countries off the map with a few well placed atomic bombs. Heck, we even have the...
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Saturday, January 29, 2005
The Ignorant American.
After yesterday’s post I turned off the computer and spent some quality time with my Robo Wank machine (well it was Friday night). When I returned to Blogit this morning I found I had been left a lot of disgruntled comments from several bloggers. Of course, mocking the "disabled" was never going to...
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Friday, January 28, 2005
DISABLED PARKING SPACES: AN ETERNAL SYMBOL OF STUPIDITY.
Parking a car can often be a serious pain in the arse. Having to circle endlessly around a public car park looking for a space is as entertaining as punching yourself in the face. It’s a strenuous game usually played with a strict time limit. You think you see one but it’s occupied by a smaller car....
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
I Need Assurance From People I Don’t Know
One of the great things about the Internet is it affords people like me another opportunity to seek assurance from people I will never meet in real life. See, I enjoy being one of those people who criticise myself in the hope that someone will respond by dismissing my criticisms before heaping...
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Friday, January 21, 2005
My Robo-Wank Machine
Last night on the Internet, possibly under the influence of some natural flavoured smoke, I ordered myself a Robo-Wank machine. Said machine apparently increases penis size as well as emulating perfect oral sex. And what a bargain it was, too, costing only sixty pounds. That’s about $120 USD....
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Thursday, January 20, 2005
Is 2006 Going To Be The End Of The World?
According to an encoded Bible message, there will be an atomic holocaust in the year 2006. This information came from the pretentious cretin who wrote the Bible Code books, Michael Drosnin. Drosnin has found many messages hidden in the Bible that relate to events which have already taken place. For...
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Wednesday, January 19, 2005
How Embarrassing.
After getting back from work this evening I re read the prior post. I felt embarrassed by it, because it reminded me of a big girl who was crying about wetting her knickers. More importantly, why would I even care to mention it? It’s the kind of thing I should be making fun of... At the time of...
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So Ban Me Then...
Former mythical creature turned Pastor B recently employed my name in one of her blogs so she could direct her vile opinion towards me, as well as harvesting support for her nutcase “agenda”. I never read her blog because it would have proved far too tempting to respond in a manner appropriate for...
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Saturday, January 15, 2005
You Are As Good As Anyone Else.
Everyone is familiar with the feelings associated with meeting someone you really like, as in really like. Excitement turns into nervousness and anxiety as your mind seeks to perfect your physical appearance and contain your nerves before meeting that special person. In some situations, we meet...
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