"Brief Encounters"

TO MY FOSTER FATHER-POP October 7th.1999 October 1942 until your death which was early 1963. I was one year and eight months old when I was placed in your care! Because of my redevelopment in therapy I can now acknowledge you as my father and shall refer to you as 'Pop' the same as 'Auntie' did-I... Sign in to see full entry.

Looking back at my life as a child within the foster family-as I recall-the women around were the only ones who had a voice! Each of them was in control within their own family and-the wider family.All of them were very critical-controlling and judgemental.The males appeared to be totally... Sign in to see full entry.

This is the second poem-that I mentioned on yesterday's post. THAT ONCE WAS MINE September 26th.1999 Oceans deep-Tranquility-windows to your mind-- you look to me-without a thought-that I might be unkind. Pure and clear and empty-untouched as yet by life-- No doubts-no expectations-no clouds of pain... Sign in to see full entry.

There have been more fragmented memories for me-particularly when I am with my Granddaughter and I see her clear and open face and her eyes. As a child I felt I was hiding from the world. At times I felt I was peering into the world from two holes in my head. The recognition of one of the... Sign in to see full entry.

RANDOM DIARY ENTRIES Late July 1999 At the present time I find I am not writing so much poetry. Diary entries: "Bruce acknowledges that I am containing my 'stuff' more". Possibly that's part of the reason why there are fewer poems? I am aware that I am actively working with making changes to my... Sign in to see full entry.

It feels like I'm 'growing up' at last! I no longer allow myself to get sucked in to other people's situations.I can stand back and just be an outsider-looking on. Psychologically and emotionally this is a much healthier position to be in. I wrote this poem following a visit to some of Fred's-(my... Sign in to see full entry.

Once again I am going through a really painful time.I have no identity of my own and therefore relationships are extremely difficult for me.I am focusing on the 'significant others' in my life,at the same time I am psychologically breaking away from those around me in order for each of us to become... Sign in to see full entry.

Some nights I lay awake for ages. I have arthritis in my hip and can't get pain-free comfort and-on the other hand-because of my therapy at this moment in time-my mind is so active and alert.Although I am not in the habit of taking pills for anything and everything,I do have a small supply of... Sign in to see full entry.

INDEPENDENT CARE AFTER INCEST AND RAPE-(working name:-ICAIR)-has been a first port of call since I founded it in November 1989. There seemed to be nothing else around that offered a 'listening ear'. I know because-unconsciously-I was searching for just that.Someone who would listen to me. Someone to... Sign in to see full entry.

Over this week end I was in the company of an Elder from a church in London. I was smoking a cigarette and felt both embarrassed and ashamed. So I stamped it out and the following day I-(attempted)-to stop. I STOPPED SMOKING TODAY June 26th.1999 You have served me so well-my parent-my teacher-my... Sign in to see full entry.