Jeff's Journal

Beginning of what looks like it's going to be my ninth week off work due to the depression. I'm really not getting any better. This morning my first thought when I woke up was "I've lived long enough--I don't need to live any longer." I have no plans to attempt suicide but still thoughts like that... Sign in to see full entry.

Just a quick entry, going to see Lisa in a bit. Mom seems real worried about me but I don't know what I can do about it. Something she'll have to deal with I guess. See the psychiatrist Tuesday. I imagine she'll make some sort of change in my medicine since what I am taking doesn't seem to be... Sign in to see full entry.

Feeling slighty better today I think. The weather is fairly nice that helps. Had a nice dinner at Bob Evans with Melanie and her friend Lisa (not my Lisa) last night. I haven't gone out much lately haven't felt up to it. Speaking of "my" Lisa she left me a message yesterday. She said she called to... Sign in to see full entry.

Feeling equally lousy today. I never really feel well just different levels of lousy. Dr. Ahsai didn't fax in my prescription so I didn't have my prozac last night. Since it takes four weeks to kick in the first place, I don't see where one missed dose would make much difference. I should be able to... Sign in to see full entry.

Feeling a little worse today then the last couple days. At least yesterday, I struggled to the gym, today I could barely get dressed. Successfully faxed the leave bank form to Human Resources although it doesn't really matter since they've been paying me anyway. No word yet from American Greetings... Sign in to see full entry.

I feel pretty crappy today but in some ways it's already been a good day. I called the bank this morning and found out I got my full paycheck, as I should have. Then I made it to the gym and the lady at the desk said I looked like I lost weight. Then while I was changing clothes they were playing... Sign in to see full entry.

It's pretty clear that Mom doesn't get it. She's after me to go back to work. She doesn't understand that just getting out of bed is a major effort. If she could get inside me and feel how I feel she'd understand. Unless I can figure out a way for that to happen I guess I'll have to live with her... Sign in to see full entry.

Thanksgiving day, I was beginning to feel better and I thought I might make it back to work today. Not even close. I feel as bad today as I have the whole almost two months I've been off work. I'm surprized I made it here to blog. I have to renew my prozac today. What a pain to pay good money for a... Sign in to see full entry.

That was a fabulous treatment Jenna gave for me this morning. If that doesn't cure me I don't know what will. (Treatment is our church's word for prayer). Support group this afternoon, only the second time I've been to this one. Not as good as the other one on Tuesday nights so far but it may get... Sign in to see full entry.

The nap in the car helped, thank goodness for reclining seats. Woke up feeling pretty good today but it didn't last long. Sleeping really seems to be the only thing making me feel better, but I can only sleep so much. At this point, I'm thinking I probably shouldn't go back to my current job at all,... Sign in to see full entry.