Jeff's Journal

We're born. We live a few years. We die. So what? Nothing Matters and What if it Did? Was the title of an album by John Cougar Mellencamp and it kind of sums up how I'm feeling. Don't go calling 911. I'm not going to take a bottle of prozac or anything like that. In a way it's a good feeling. It's... Sign in to see full entry.

Made it to work three days, feels like three weeks. Still it seems like things are beginning to stabilize. Regardless of what Suzanne thinks, I do feel better in warm weather. (That's my therapist Suzanne). Got half a paycheck today. The tax refund will make up the rest. Accidently hit the key to... Sign in to see full entry.

I'll tell you this has been a rough week. First I get sick, then Aunt Mary dies and now $496 for a brake job. I'd been making good progress paying off my credit cards but with the brake job and the unpaid sick time I've taken a couple of steps back. Although thankfully my tax refund will take care... Sign in to see full entry.

Well I'm feeling better, which kind of proves my therapists point, that I'm sick during the week and get better on the weekends. I would have gone to work yesterday though if I hadn't had the appointment to see Dr. Ashai my psychiatrist. I'm supposed to take a vistiril Sunday evenings and plan... Sign in to see full entry.

Dr Ashai wants me to take a pill Sunday evenings to lessen my anxiety and to plan something fun for Monday evenings. Hmmm. Doesn't seem like much but I'll give it a try. Couldn't hurt I guess. She also wants me to try and force myself to go to work when I don't feel well. I don't think she... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm slowly getting better, but not fast enough to keep me from missing this whole week of work, most of which will be unpaid. My religion teaches me that I have unlimited abundance, but it's hard to believe that sometimes. Thank goodness for credit cards. I see Dr Ashai tomorrow and I think she'll... Sign in to see full entry.

I just realized something. I've been beating myself up for missing so much time from work, when really and truly, it's been impossible for me to go on the days I missed. I knew it was impossible some days but I had been thinking that some of the days I've missed I could have gone in. Now I realize... Sign in to see full entry.

I just gotta laugh. It's just so laughable. Couldn't get a doctor's appointment til tomorrow So I couldn't get a doctor's note. So they sent me home. All that work that needs to be done and they send me home over a doctor's note. I would say I don't believe it, but the sad fact is that I do. I've... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm almost well now I think. I didn't realize how sick I was until I started getting better. Supposed to see Lisa tomorrow but I'm not feeling very enthused about it, probably because I'm still a little sick. I may cancel if I'm not up to it. Talked with Patty after church today. I keep trying to... Sign in to see full entry.

I haven't written in here or in my paper journal for awhile and with this relapse of depression some more writing may help. I was also inspired by the biography of Charles Shulz I've been reading. His PEANUTS comic strips were kind of like a journal for him. Despite writing in Jeff's Journal only... Sign in to see full entry.