Jeff's Journal

All I can do is laugh. Brought the note from the Dr saying I have a chronic illness, but now they want a separate note to cover last week. So what's the point of the chronic illness letter? Ah bureaucracy. What would we laugh at without it. Gives me a little time off without being sick for a change.... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm scared. I get sick, I get better, I get sick, I get better. You would think that by now it would have happened enough times that I would have a pretty good idea of what causes it. It's just the opposite. I feel like I'm getting farther away from knowing what causes it and what to do about it.... Sign in to see full entry.

Still feeling crappy. Saw Dr Ashai this morning, she put me on a new medication--in addition to what I was already on. She also suggested I get a second opinion. That sounds like a good idea. Gotta give Dr Ashai credit for suggesting that--admitting that she's not perfect and allowing for the fact... Sign in to see full entry.

Hmmm. Really sick today, the depression is really strong. After I wrote that thing about God wanting me to be healthy. I still think that so I'm thinking something else wrong. Anyway I see the Dr tomorrow, hopefully she'll tinker with my medicine or something. Obviously that planning something for... Sign in to see full entry.

Still feeling kinda lousy. It's supposed to warm up tomorrow so that should help. It should also help to prove to my therapist that my problems are not caused entirely by anxiety over work. If it was, I wouldn't be sick on the weekend. Tomorrow is the first day of the do something fun on Monday... Sign in to see full entry.

Feeling kinda lousy today but I'm doing my best to ignore it. A bit chilly today, don't know if that's why or not. Nice talk with Mom today. I'm blessed to have a good relationship with her, something not everyone can say about their mothers. Supposed to play mini-golf with Melanie this evening.... Sign in to see full entry.

I know know every nook and cranny of Baltimore. That's what I get for experimenting with a different way home. Took two hours and much frustration instead of half an hour. Not feeling real great today. Took my half day off I earned for contributing to the Maryland Charity Campaign. Maybe a good day... Sign in to see full entry.

Good session with Suzanne tonight. I knew I was right to stick with her. A lot of people are quick to change therapists, but that's usually a bad idea. A lot of people change therapists when they're close to a breakthrough and they're afraid of it. This thing with my not wanting responsibility is a... Sign in to see full entry.

I feel pretty doggone good today. Slept 'til 9:30 this morning. Usually I can't sleep that late. Did wake during the night for a couple of hours though after sleeping through the night last night. (I must be regressing to my infancy:) Made use of the time though. Took a shower and masturbated (not... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm tired but pleased to have made it through the week. Of course if the recent pattern continues I'll be out all next week, but that's not going to happen. Spring is here and I think the meditation may actually be helping, though I don't see how with my mind wandering so much (I keep telling my... Sign in to see full entry.