Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

San Francisco goes to the dogs, or is it the other way around?

Dog poop can be powerful, as our noses can attest. Now, the city by the bay want to use Fido’s droppings as a source of power. An Associated Press story by Kim Curtis explains the process thus, “The droppings will be tossed into a contraption called a methane digester, which is basically a tank in which bacteria feed on feces for weeks to create methane gas.” 1 st Bacteria: “Garcon, what’s the house special tonight?” Waiter (actually a dog poop tosser): “Tonight we got German Shepard’s pie with... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Paradox

I found in my drawer a pair of sox, and they numbered two. But then to my consternation I found a pair of shorts and they numbered one, now how can that be? It started a train of thought. A pair of pants is also just one, but you never go into a store and ask for a pant, do you? Not unless you are in a pet store. So maybe it has to do with the number or arrangements for your limbs, two legs would make the pants plural, sort of. Wait just a minute Slick, if that were true you would ask for a pair... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 20, 2006

It’s not ten-O-clock and I don’t know where my mind is.

So here we go with another free-association joy ride. Well, come to think of it, most associations charge you to be a member. If you let your dues lapse, then you have to re-member, that is, if you don’t forget. Anyone recall John Bobbit? Yeah, that guy that had his wife cut off his most prized possession? He also had to be re-membered, but it was a totally different deal, at least I think it was. A stitch in time saves nine was the old saying but who knows in his case. What about the lady in... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Only in Amsterdam

Red light district holds open house. Dutch prostitutes say, “come on in, have a look-see” to local residents worried about the district’s seedy reputation. Now there’s a parade you don’t want to miss. According to the news story, “Women allowed visitors into the cubicles where they conduct their business to explain hygiene regulations and the alarm system used when a prostitute encounters a difficult customer.” “Ok, this is the bed, and the sheets get changed after every deposit, er, I mean,... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

A little humor...

Laugh at the height challenged, we love it! Not really. All of us that have had to ask a taller person to reach something for us feel cursed by the tallness gods. Fully 1/3 of our kitchen cupboards are only accessible by stool for my wife and I. We get all up in arms when our arms won't go up enough to snag that box of Cheerios. Just to clean the top of the refrigerator, I had to employ a step stool and balance the vacuum cleaner on the counter top. Things would have been more dangerous, had my... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Is Dick Cheney’s image shot?

Maybe I shouldn’t make fun of the VP, then again, maybe I should. This time I will hold off, but if I were to make fun of him, it would probably go like this: There is a new CD of Dick Cheney’s favorite hunting songs, some of the included numbers are, I Shot the Sheriff, Happiness Is A Warm Gun, Hit me With Your Best Shot, Saturday Night Special, Boom Boom Boom to name a few. Suppose Snoop Dogg had been hunting with some buddies and accidentally blasted one of them, the FBI choppers would still... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Everybody run, it’s Monday the 13th!

Monday, blackest of all the black-hole work days, able to suck the life out of any normal human being, accompanied by the much-feared number 13, I shudder to think. Not because I am afraid or superstitious or anything, thinking is hard work and it makes me (((shudder))). See what I mean? I mean, if we want to assign fearsomeness to any day, then, let’s make it Monday, which is universally despised anyway. That would do away with tricedectophobia to be replaced by, oh, I don’t know,... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Whole in one.

What does it mean? No, really, inquiring minds want to know, especially mine! I know I wrote it, I thought it would be a cool title for an entry (to be blogitically correct) but I have know idea where it will lead, you no? Right away you may think, “oh, another pointless entry from a pin-head) but that’s where you would be write. The whole point would be to not have a point, at which point there would be a point and therefore, pointlessness evaporates leaving only the point on my head. After... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

How hard is it to be silly?

Being silly is hard work, take it from me, but then give it back. See what I mean? The point of humor is to make someone laugh, or at least that is generally the aim here at Warped Thoughts. The danger lies in just exactly what is funny. There are many things I find funny, but I am told they are pretty “far out there” and when my kids think I am being strange, believe me, I am being strange. I like to weave the strange, the weird and the downright ludicrous into reality. It’s a little like... Sign in to see full entry.

A tired mind pays no attention.

Wasn’t it the Beach Boys who sang that mysterious song, “Going to Smurf City”? Guess I blew that one. On the other hand, why do people always say that? What is on the first hand anyway? Surely there’s an answer that fits like a glove but just off the top of my head I can’t recall what it is. I always confuse “just off the top of my head” with “at the drop of a hat” since a hat does actually come off the top of your head doesn’t it? On the other hand, maybe I should just put a cap on this whole... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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