Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, January 14, 2008

Hilarity in the headlines

Amputee Sprinter barred from Olympics. Now that’s headline made for a punchline. I haven’t read the story so I am imagining it must go something like this: Amputee sprinter, Sprint Plop was barred from the Olympics today. Olympics officials explained, “we think he’s just not in step with our program.” The sprinter sought legal representation but no lawyers were willing to take the case since as one barrister put it on condition of anonymity, “he just doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I am... Sign in to see full entry.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Free fall free for all

Dip a toe into the dizzying pool of politics and you will find it’s an icy-hot situation. When it comes time for the convention, will Hillary and Obama be able to kiss and make up to be running mates or will it devolve into KMA and running make up? Maybe McCain will prove to be a pain over which there is no gain. Edwards might be out already, felled be rumors of Rogaine. Mitt? Huckabee? Surely these are not names presidential, but we will have to wait and see. Capitol Hillary says Barak’s no MLK... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:45 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Hair scare

Like seeing yourself on video? For a lot of us it’s like coming face-to-face with our own mortality. Recently I was watching a video and some old fart was rambling on about the old days. I listened to his thin reedy voice and noticed he had a lot of gray in his beard, I hope mine isn’t that bad. Then I observed he had obviously shopped at Costco because he had a shirt on just like the one I bought there recently. His hair was stylishly over his collar but severely limited when it came to the top... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:27 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, January 11, 2008

Thoughts on getting old(er)

What was I saying? As one’s age advances things change from being artificially hip to having artificial hips. My hips, thankfully, are still original equipment, but they have more than a few miles on them. Likewise my knees let me know they have wear, mostly in the mornings. When you find conversations among friends turn to medical maladies, you’ve hit the “golden age” I’m here to tell you. Does the debate turn to the efficiency of ED drugs? Ed: Say, how does that Viagra work anyway? Fred:... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:31 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Sitting pretty

Some things just don’t set too well with me. For instance the sit and set syndrome. At first blush they seem interchangeable, but I sat out to search the dictionary and found this at sit “to rest ones self upon the buttocks”, well that would seem to set the story straight. Well until you look at set, whereupon you will find, “to cause to sit.” Oh really? If someone offers you a chair, it seems you must set before you can sit, but sitting isn’t setting, that’s the locale where you are resting... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:38 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Groping the news

Headlines swirl as the race to the Whitehouse heats up. Now it’s Obama and McCain. The USA Today website has a photo of the two, interestingly, McCain is to the right and Obama to the left. If you look at their eyes, Obama is looking to the left and McCain is looking to the right. I wonder if someone set that up intentionally? I know I would have. Of course the political swirl will mix things up as candidates drop by the course of this race. Of course the news story is about a poll. How accurate... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:31 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Thoughts on the universe.

Science is a funny thing. Astronomers will tell you “we don’t really know what the Milky Way Galaxy looks like”, then they will spend hours telling you what it looks like. Humans have always been fascinated by the stars. That probably began when they didn’t have any televisions, internet or video games to steal their attention once the sun went down. All there was to do was stare at the sky and marvel at the vast array of twinkling lights up there. Imagine, if you will, our two cave persons Zog... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:47 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, January 4, 2008

Obama, Huckabee and Britney, OH MY!

This just in, as in like, we’re all, whatever! Who cares about some dudes with weird names like Barak and Huckabee, what we want to know is - how is Britney faring with her latest break down? Did the paparazzi get any good shots of her nether regions without sufficient coverage? There never seems to be a lack of coverage about her uncoverage, if you get my drift. Never mind that a far right Christian and a black man won the first sparring match of the 2008 race to the Whitehouse, what we really... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:58 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Have you ever been lambasted?

It doesn’t sound like something one would want to do, that is, to be a young sheep being cooked with a constant dripping of butter and seasonings being applied. Lamb basted, what a horrible pun, Yew will have to admit. By now you realize my meds have worn off and my mind is running amuck. I have heard rumors of herders sometimes having sexual congress (that could be a pun all to itself) with their charges. You can always spot then however, they just look sheepish. That’s right, it is b-a-a-a-a-d... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:56 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, December 31, 2007

Whuddya think?

Could it be said that lesbians are broad minded? When mathematicians gather for a Pizza, do they figure out how many pieces they need by using pi? Did old-fashioned cowboys ever go for a cattle “test drive”? After looking at Chihuahuas and other small dogs, I wonder if this downsizing continues, how long before fleas will have dogs? I heard snakes wanted to cross the picket lines and fill in for the writers, but even they wanted scale. Will America really elect a president named, Barak, Mitt, or... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:01 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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