Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A question answered

You’ve probably seen the TV ads, “I didn’t know I was drifting off” or “I wasn’t aware that I was in the other lane” and even “I didn’t notice the truck in front of me had stopped.” Of course the feature is one that warns the driver of approaching or imminent danger. The cars that have it are very expensive. As I was watching this ad, I couldn’t help but wonder who these people giving the testimony were and then it struck me. They must be Air Traffic Controllers! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:40 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, April 18, 2011

More pun than a merry-go-round

A new tribe of cannibals has been discovered. According to archaeologist, Dr. I-ben digginit the tribe has a most peculiar diet. It seems they frequent cities in South America during the many fiestas that are celebrated down there. They are particularly fond of the flesh of workers manning the booths and rides. Dr. I-ben digginit said in a recent symposium, “our findings lead us to one conclusion, these cannibals are carny-vores!” He was immediately pelted with empty water bottles. Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:55 AM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sunday, Bloody Mary Sunday

Mind bending Vodka and whatever else is in there, what a way to start the day. Celery infused with alcohol, breakfast of champions, or chumps? Enough of those and I will start doing my “air Bono” by bending, twisting and hopping about on one foot. Or is that Ian Anderson and Jethro Tull? They have a song called “My Sunday Feeling” as well, a good tune for a good day. If you don’t want any vegetables messing with your day off, then try mint schnapps in hot chocolate or Irish cream in your coffee.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:29 AM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, April 15, 2011

Ye Olde Pun

Back in the days when successful land barons built castles, the frosting on the real estate cake was a moat. Of course a moat was more than a doughnut shaped body of water surrounding the regal living quarters, it had to say something about the owner. Rudolph Valentino had a heart-shaped moat around his all-boudoir housing. One castle in particular had a very clever feature surrounding it and all the neighbor’s wondered where such an idea had come from. He would get a sheepish smile on his face... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 2:07 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Old soap operas never die…

They just fade to black. Last year it was the Guiding Light and, ok I’ve already forgotten so how important was it? Now, it’s time for All My Children and One Life to Live have no more lives to live or loves to lie to. No more sudden onset amnesia, plots to change the weather of the world or sleeping with whomever is handy. I can’t say I miss them since I never watched, other than co-incidentally when my wife was watching. My favorite thing to make fun of was the strange lines the characters had... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:44 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Information overload

Are we being jerked around or what? Ok, I do look at nutrition labels, they are handy when you want to reduce your cholesterol or sodium intake not to mention the ever present fat and fat from calories. As I was waiting for my microwave popcorn to pop, or micro or wave, whatever it does to assume fluffy goodness, I noticed a disturbing thing about my favorite snack. GASP! First, there were 2.5 servings in the bag I was about to eat. Get real, everyone eats the whole bag by themselves, don’t... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:20 AM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sunday funnies

Or, Funday sunnies? Let the weather in your area decide. Finally, we are seeing temperatures in the 50’s (F) and as long as the wind isn’t whipping, it’s pretty nice out with just a light jacket. I could say the seasons here in Northeast Washington State are Coat and Jacket but we do have a few hot days. Now that I have taken the snow plow off the truck and put the studs away for the winter I “look forward” to the rising of the grass and the incessant need to mow, fertilize, water, mow,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 12:55 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, April 9, 2011

What does it mean?

Divorce Lawyers For Men advertises heavily on the radio. The ads run during major league baseball games, coincidence or cause and effect? I can’t imagine that a guy setting in his favorite recliner surrounded by chips, beer and with his pants open could possibly need a divorce lawyer. Or can I? I suppose they also advertise during bowling tournaments and professional poker on T.V. Also during the game they advertise erectile dysfunction medications but since the guys are already thinking about... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 6:45 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, April 8, 2011

Made up moments in history

If Alexander Graham Bell had invented the cell phone, do you think the first thing he would have done is text, “Watsn, come here i need u.”? George Washington’s first dentist was a loyalist, but soon the general found a new tooth doctor to supply his wooden teeth. He was from a splinter group. It wasn’t really called a thong, the person who invented it just had a terrible lisp. Those three guys you see playing the music for the revolutionary war had to find a replacement when one of the members... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:17 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

582 days till the election!

I sat up so fast when I saw this that I spilled all the chips off my lap and tipped my beer over. Can it be? Where was I that I got caught off guard? I might not have time to get ready and form an educated opinion. Oh whatever am I to do? Where will I get enough money to go to those $1000 a plate fundraiser dinners? And that’s just for the local dog catcher election, if you want to go national, get out the checkbook, bank card and those gold doubloons you’ve got buried in the back yard. I’ve... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:37 AM | add or view comments (10) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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