Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Rapture or Rupture?

One day the Earth will end. Only it won’t be the way we all think it might be, a comet smacks Earth upside the sphere, all the ice melts and water ensues, no, none of that twaddle will happen. One day the garbage in the ditches along the highways will fill up and the inevitable overtaking of the planet by it’s top dog inhabitants (you know, the intelligent ones) as we gasp our last gasp under an overwhelming pile of our own trash. Alien anthropologists will land on the planet, take one look... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 7:11 AM | add or view comments (9) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, May 20, 2011

A sick pun...

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s biological son, Patrick was admitted to a Hollywood hospital after suffering severe flu-like symptoms Crapload News has learned. It seems Patrick is his real ill legitimate son! Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 3:39 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I can’t help but think…

Of lines from Arnold’s movies. Was it the love child who said, “I’ll be back!” It probably was Maria who said, “hasta la vista baby!” The pregnant maid, “it’s not a toomah!” I’m sure there are more, join me won’t you? Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 12:36 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, May 13, 2011

A headline too good to be true

Porn found in bin Laden hideout, officials say. Maybe the Ladenster was checking out what all those 72 virgins would look like. According to officials the stash of “modern, electronically recorded video is fairly extensive”, but it is not known if Osama had a copy of “Debbie does Islamabad” or “Burkas gone wild.” Of course, it is impossible to know who procured the smut or who might have viewed it. Thumb drives were among the materials carted away by U.S. commandos. Thumb drive was also the name... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:41 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The frying pan sings…

“Home, home on the range…” The pot and the kettle appear to be racists of a different color. The cat, the fiddle, is there more going on here than meets the eye? Wouldn’t a song a cat played on a fiddle be gut wrenching? Or are the strings made of synthetic material these days? I can see why the dish ran away with the spoon, but what the fork is up with the knife? A cutting but fair question I’d say, or rather, I’d ask. Jack would have to be nimble, not to mention quick or he might burn the end... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:39 PM | add or view comments (5) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

If E.E. cummings wrote nursery rhymes

Fat no eat Jack Sprat could Lean his wife no too eat could See you them both between The clean platter they licked! Hey wait a minute! E.E. cummings Yoda was? Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 4:46 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Stream of sub consciousness

Really, I am not conscious of submarines, at least on the surface. When I do think about them I get that sinking feeling I’ve forgotten something or left a door ajar which as we all know is what a door is when it isn’t. I can’t help but wonder if it is a Mason jar or further south, a Mason-Dixon jar and then legally a Perry Mason jar? If Katy Perry married Perry Mason, divorced him and married Tyler Perry she would be a very Perry Perry Perry. Don’t get me started on Perry Como and former New... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 10:16 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lady Ga²

So here is an unabashed ego trip. No apologies, it’s just all about over the top, look at me, take it or leave it, entertainment. I’m afraid I have to admit, I even like some of her songs, Bad Romance is great on an old-timey stereo system with 14” woofers blasting out the beat. I can pass on the meat dress however but I won’t trash her for it. Compared to a lot of other of the current crop of “stars” we don’t seem to hear a lot about her off stage and she has no mug shots, at least that I know... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 11:46 AM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

A Trump too far

Is there a bigger insult to politics and politicians than Donald Trump? Ok, is it in the best interest of the country to put a man in charge who could bankrupt a casino? A CASINO for crying out loud. Any left-handed Albanian idiot could make money at a casino, that is what they do! My apologies to left handers, Albanians and idiots everywhere, it really isn’t fair to compare you to the abomination we know as “the Donald”. Really, if we were to see “the Newt” or “the Barak” would we even give... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 8:44 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, April 22, 2011

CRAPLOAD NEWS exposes Easter Bunny

After years of experience at hiding eggs, the Easter Bunny (Rabbit EggHidius) is about as effective as an air traffic controller, even little children are still able to find them. Why doesn’t the Easter Bunny get any better at hiding eggs? Now for a hardboiled report from ace reporter Kant Stoptalkinboutit. For the lowdown on this story, let’s hop to it. Every since the Easter Bunny decided to hide eggs, apparently in an attempt to store food away for leaner times, people have been finding those... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by food4thought at 9:49 AM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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