The crazy lady strikes again

I've been trying to find free or low-cost counseling services available to me, due to the problems I've talked about in this blog. It's been an adventure. The phone number I was given by the suicide hotline turned out to be a bad number. It turns out that I recognized the name of the agency, and it's not a low-cost mental health clinic at all. I've got the numbers of several other agencies, so I hope to get started with counseling soon. I feel it will do me some good. Thanks again for all your... Sign in to see full entry.

I have attempted to call the counseling center to which I was referred twice - in between phone problems. (Someone hacked into our line, apparently - I'd pick up the handset only to hear a conversation in Spanish for over an hour. We live in a Mexican neighborhood, so the language isn't unusual in the least - just that I wasn't able to get in touch with anyoe for over an hour.) I agree that I need counseling, so I will continue to try to get a hold of this counseling service. It's worth it not... Sign in to see full entry.

Comments on my last post brought up a legitimate point: Was my mention of my suicidal thoughts a marketing ploy? I say no. It's just that I unintentionally wrote a popular post for all the wrong reasons. It is very painful indeed to be suicidal, as I well know. I was in a lot of pain when I wrote the original post, and I remain genuinely touched and grateful that so many of you responded in such a caring and thoughtful fashion. Thanks again. Sign in to see full entry.

I wish words could express the gratitude I feel to all the people who responded to my last post. Thanks to you, I called the suicide hotline suggested by a Blogit member, and I plan on calling a counseling service to which I was referred first thing tomorrow morning. I also chose to write something to someone describing some of the stresses and strains I was under. I hope to receive assistance from this person, although I understand if she isn't able to offer help. Thanks. Sign in to see full entry.

I got the idea for this post from RachelAnna, who talks to a certain extent about her husband's difficulties in this post. I have to admit that the situation I'm in now - the one causing me so much stress - has caused me to contemplate ending it all. I also admit to wishing someone would just come in and rescue me, if only temporarily. I've heard of cases where people have had their lives saved over the Internet, and I dream of people caring enough to do that for me. Sign in to see full entry.

I don't know if anyone else out there does this, but I do. I have at least one pseudonym on Yahoo, on which I have led people to believe that I am someone else. Right now, I'm not able to talk about what I do in much more detail, but suffice it to say I'm rethinking that policy. I started that pseudonym because I was in prime secrecy mode, and because I could get away with it, not because I had any personal or professional reason to be secretive. I started this blog mainly to get over that... Sign in to see full entry.

As Garfield notes in her blog The Secret Life of Cats, I've been agitated this morning. The problems I've been having lately have finally taken their psychological toll. I can just about function to type this entry; my stomach is in knots, and the only thing preventing me from going into the hospital right now is that I don't have the $100 copay my insurance company demands for an ER visit. It occurred to me as I was thinking about that that you are helping me to solve the problem of the ER... Sign in to see full entry.

I couldn't resist linking to one of my favorite bloggers, Pecanflower. In this post, she talks about a friend of hers who's a drama queen. I can relate to Pecanflower's distress at the behavior of this drama queen. In fact, I tend to go to extremes when it comes to drama-queen behavior; I've misinterpreted perfectly normal behavior as that of a drama queen out to play "can you top this?" I need to get a life. Sign in to see full entry.

I've noticed something. In all the posts I write about the problems I'm experiencing, I always get at least one comment encouraging me to have faith - that things will hopefully get better. This brings up one question that I ask as a devil's advocate: What if things don't get better, but instead get worse? And what about self-inflicted problems? (Remember that I share the same optimistic attitude of those who post that I ought to have faith that things will get better. It's just that I feel... Sign in to see full entry.

I just read Jemmie211's blog on gratitude, and the latest post in that blog included a quote which really struck home with me. Basically, to paraphrase, the quote said that without adversity, the good times don't seem quite as good. I've made no secret - without revealing all the details - that I'm undergoing my share of adversity right now. It's come out in The Secret Life of Cats, as well as this particular blog. I also make no secret of the fact that I'm in enough pain to want to change... Sign in to see full entry.