The crazy lady strikes again

I'd like to thank everyone for leaving comments on this and other blogs of mine. It helps - really helps - to know that I'm being read, and that people appreciate my writing. Sign in to see full entry.

I hate being lonely, but I suppose I've painted myself into a corner. If I hate being lonely, I hate even more the thought of people invading my space. I know how I react when people want to come over - it's like someone has suggested that I drink poison. In a way, this journal is intended as a form of self-help, to get over feelings like this. I'm grateful to those of you who read this blog, and to those who care enough to leave comments. Sign in to see full entry.

In another blog, I mentioned the Themestream articles I'd written about addiction to people. I have since learned that some people consider me obsessed with certain people. This is my response. Although I am undeniably addicted to the approval of people - and will often act accordingly, defying my deepest values - much of my best writing is often driven by unhealed wounds. It just seems as if I'm obsessed with certain people. Perhaps the people with whom I'm allegedly obsessed actually have... Sign in to see full entry.

I was just reading a couple of posts - one by Ariala and one by RachelAnna - with more comments than I'll ever get on any of my posts. I have to admit that seeing all those comments reactivated one of my old issues. When I was in high school, I was obsessed with being popular - never mind that I needed adult guidance to correct deficiencies in fashion and other issues. For that matter, I still need adult guidance, even though I'm an adult now myself. Therefore, when I see 35-50 comments on a... Sign in to see full entry.

This has been my problem lately. I want to surround myself with people who feel joy rather than sadness. I want to surround myself with true friends rather than fake friends. I've shared in other blogs that I had a horrible childhood. I wish someone would have reached out to me when I was an adolescent - so alone, so isolated. I would have appreciated seeing the horror on someone else's face at the living conditions I had to put up with as an adolescent. I don't want to go back to that; I want... Sign in to see full entry.

In another blog, I said that I was sick of going into the details of what has been causing my problems. That isn't entirely true. The truth is that I chose to be secretive yet again, just for the thrill of being able to get away with it. Redwind left an interesting comment on that blog, about not wallowing in it. Being secretive means that I'm wallowing in it - it gives me the feeling that nobody cares or understands, conveniently leaving out of the equation that I'm choosing to be secretive in... Sign in to see full entry.

I've decided to create this blog as an exercise in getting over my secretive nature. Also, I wanted to use it as a form of therapy. Although I don't feel everything will be fair game for this blog, and some of the things I write here will perhaps repeat what I've said in other blogs, I hope to avoid keeping secrets needlessly. It's a delicate balance, I know, but I hope I can do this balancing act in a way that's healthy for me and enjoyable for the readers of this blog. Thanks for reading this... Sign in to see full entry.