The crazy lady strikes again

There is a good reason I haven't posted in over a week. I've been in the hospital for my depression. I broke down and went to the ER of a hospital which has a psychiatric unit, and their judgment was that I was depressed enough to warrant hospitalization. The upshot is that I'm on a new antidepressant which has kicked in already, thankfully. I don't want to go through that kind of pain again. I was even able to get the first month's supply free of charge due to my financial condition. Thanks... Sign in to see full entry.

I'm feeling quite a bit better than I did yesterday, in part because I have a plan for when I get so depressed. My husband has asked me to call him if I feel I'm in danger of doing harm to myself, and I plan on doing just that. It feels awful to call 911 behind his back. Given current hospital privacy laws, he might have a hard time finding me if I called 911 and got hospitalized without his knowing it. Thanks again for your support and caring. Sign in to see full entry.

I have to go in for some blood work tomorrow. I'm thinking of going into the ER after I'm done with the blood work, because I feel depressed enough to warrant it. I'm not sure I can wait for the counselor from the sliding-scale clinic to call back. Thanks to everyone for the support you have offered over the past week. I really appreciate it. Sign in to see full entry.

Editormum gave me some serious food for thought in this post. She quotes writer C.S. Lewis as basically saying that a sense of disappointment or anticlimax is a catalyst for growth. The sense in which it is a catalyst for growth is that disappointment or anticlimax provides the catalyst or incentive for going from simply sitting around dreaming about something and actually putting in the hard work necessary to accomplish a goal. I sensed that I reached that point last week when I admitted to... Sign in to see full entry.

My feline nurse Garfield has decided to take it upon herself to tell people about another health problem I had last night, in this post. Since she has little experience with matters of the human stomach, every stomach problem in a human is a furball to her. I seem to be lurching from crisis to crisis. I wish it would stop. Sign in to see full entry.

This is important enough for me to post as a stand-alone entry in this blog. If you are contemplating suicide, I would urge you to call the national suicide hotline at (800)784-2433. Someone was kind enough to post this the other day, and I got a great deal of benefit from calling this number. Thank you to the person that posted that number, whoever you are. Sign in to see full entry.

In this post, Pecanflower writes about her latest addiction, scrapbooking. She also asks if people are addicted to something like this themselves. I have to admit, I'm addicted to secrecy. I'm addicted to the thrill I get getting away with emailing my ex under a pseudonym. The only problem is, I'm starting to get my fix to save my life, and it's costing me way too much. That's why I want to work on this in therapy. Sign in to see full entry.

In this post, Whim talks about people who can't afford life's necessities yet can manage to pay their Internet access charges every month. I found myself able to relate to this post easily, although I disagree to a certain extent with some of what she says. You see, I originally got into blogging because I wanted to earn extra money to use to pay for life's necessities. Without boring you with the dirty details, our bank account is pretty lean right now, and I hope to use this to make things a... Sign in to see full entry.

In this post, Editormum mentions ten things she wished she would have done differently. One of those ten things really hit home with me. Specifically, Editormum mentions that she wishes she would have cared a little less what people thought of her. I could say the same thing about myself, as I'm sure many of you could. But for me, the issue is that I cared too much what certain people thought of me, and it hindered my ability to take outsiders into my confidence. To this day, I find myself... Sign in to see full entry.

My appointment with the crisis counselor went better than I could have hoped for. What helped was that I was finally honest with this guy. I told him basically the same things I'm writing here in this blog. I have to admit that it was the first time I'd been that honest with a therapist. No wonder my last one was complaining about how difficult I am to get to know. Sign in to see full entry.