Old News (The Unbearable Lightness Of Blogging)

(or " Yet One More Reason To Hate Charlize Theron.") As I'm sure you are well aware, even important celebrities need to feel loved. Thus, it should come as no surprise then, that the Academy bestows "small tokens of appreciation" upon all the night's performers and presenters (to thank them for... Sign in to see full entry.

BEST PICTURE Brokeback Mountain PRO: Many older voters can likely relate to film's tragic story of unrequited love... not that there's anything wrong with that. CON: Some (mostly straight) critics have complained the movie wasn't "gay enough". Capote PRO: Strictly cinematically speaking, it's the... Sign in to see full entry.

FROLLO Species: Emperor Scorpion Size: 10 inches (approx.) Diet: crickets, nightcrawlers, mice (note: In the wild, Emperor scorpions primarily eat other scorpions; hence the title of "Emperor".) Killing Method: Frollo rarely actually uses the poison stinger at the tip of his tail (reserving it only... Sign in to see full entry.

Not necessarily terrible films, merely terrible choices in relation to the other candidates. My favorite (among the nominees) in purple: 10. Braveheart (1995) over Apollo 13, Babe, Il Postino (The Postman), Sense and Sensibility 9. Driving Miss Daisy (1989) over Born on the Fourth of July, Dead... Sign in to see full entry.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have suffered from severe Hypochondria; the kind where if I read about a disease, within ten seconds, I automatically start coming down with the symptoms. At any rate, this afternoon I'm scanning through the list of Bird Flu "warning signs" (because I had been... Sign in to see full entry.

Yo mama's so ugly... 10.... even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her. 9.... when she was born, the doctor looked at her ass, then her face, and declared "Twins!" 8.... key scenes from "Gorillas in the Mist" were filmed in her shower. 7.... her shadow disappeared and left a suicide note. 6.... even... Sign in to see full entry.

Since I'm bored and have nothing better to do, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for a comment I made that (judging by the emails) seems to have angered a few people. Btw, the spelling in those emails left something to be desired... however, I'm pretty sure I got the gist. Now, I don't... Sign in to see full entry.

ROSE RED Species: Rose Hair Tarantula Size: 9 inches (approx.) Diet: crickets, "super worms" plus the occasional mouse Killing Method: Imagine a hairy hand snatching a grape. Prey is held tight, and administered a "lethal injection" (via two enormous fangs). At which point, Rose Red vomits up an... Sign in to see full entry.

Each one absolutely, positively guaranteed to fail (even with the most desperate of pathetic single women)! 10. "I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?" 9. "I've got six bucks just burning a hole in my pocket!" 8. "You might as well sleep with me, since I'll tell my friends... Sign in to see full entry.

WARNING: Contains graphic details of "ape rape" and may not be suitable for any audience. NEWS ITEM: A former NASCAR driver remains "alive", nearly a year after being attacked by two escaped chimpanzees at a wildlife sanctuary. St. James Davis and his wife were visiting the Animal Haven Ranch to... Sign in to see full entry.