Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, November 18, 2013

hearing loss

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of... Sign in to see full entry.

living long life

Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here", says Bubba, "It's Zeb Jones' grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Earl, "here's... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Top hits for the geriatric crowd

Great news! Some of the old favorite singers and bands have re-released their great hits with new titles and lyrics to accommodate their aging audience. Some examples: Herman's Hermits: "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" The Rolling Stones: "You Can't Always Pee When You Want" Credence... Sign in to see full entry.

Groaner alert III

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a... Sign in to see full entry.

Wishing

There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest and they're running and running and they stop because a ginnie appears. The ginnie says " if you two stop fighting and chasing each other i'll give you each three wishes" They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest "package" of all the bears... Sign in to see full entry.

Assumptions

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

pun time

There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk - the ghost which `lived' there was feared by all. However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only... Sign in to see full entry.

back at you

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS... Sign in to see full entry.

condoms

One day a big guy goes to his local pharmacy. He goes up to the clerk and says, "Last night I had sex, left nut go 'oomph', right nut go 'oomph', dick go 'oomph', condom go BOOM!" Now the clerk was quite impressed by this sexual feat so he grabbed some Trojans for professionals and tells the guy to... Sign in to see full entry.

don't step on a duck

Three guys get to heaven,Bob, Larry and Bill, and before they enter St. Peter warns them "whatever you do don't ever, ever, step on a duck. Once one quacks, they all do, and they make a terrible racket". Bob enters heaven and immediately steps on a duck. So an angel comes up to him and chains a... Sign in to see full entry.