Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, November 22, 2013

Hypnotizing

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

desperation

There was this man who had his reasons to think that his wife was having an affair. One day he decided to get a talking parrot to spy on his wife to see what he suspected was true. He had come to a local pet store and asked if they had any parrots which could talk, the man behind the counter said... Sign in to see full entry.

what about these headline4s 20 years from now!

1. Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Clinton has banned all smoking --damn you, Chelsea! 2. Spotted Owl plague threatens Western American crops and livestock. 3. Hunt continues for Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Yassar Arafat's tomb in... Sign in to see full entry.

Just saying

In the human body, which organ is in charge? All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I... Sign in to see full entry.

Yikes!

a man goes on a trip to japan on business. inbetween sessions, he goes to play golf. he ends up having the worst day of his life. all double bogeys. a fellow golfer tells him the best way to correct this is to go get laid, so he will relax. he goes to the local, and goes at it. the lady spends the... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

No patience

One hot day on a beautiful beach, a good looking male is going for his usual jog along the shore. But, on this day he stops and notices something new in his travels. A woman, is crying her eyes out. And he could understand why, the poor lady had no arms and legs, and was sitting in a lawn chair. He... Sign in to see full entry.

Outburst in the court

The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!" the Judge says to the man who shouted. He turns to be defendant and says, "You are also charged with... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 18, 2013

More non PC...state mottos

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ California: By 30, Our Women... Sign in to see full entry.

These are not PC...so don't read if not being PC bothers you

The Shortest Books Ever Written * 1000 Years of German Humor * Everything men know about women * The Code of Ethics for Lawyers * Italian War Heroes * Who's who in Puerto Rico * Americans' Guide to Etiquette * Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages * Safe Places to Travel in the USA * Jerry Garcia's... Sign in to see full entry.

worst age

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the... Sign in to see full entry.