home
I think my smartphone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I'm still working. Sign in to see full entry.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
wondering
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? - - Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? - - Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? - - Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? - - Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? - - Why is it that to... Sign in to see full entry.
bad news
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother. Brother 1: So how is my cat doing? Brother 2: He's Dead Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to... Sign in to see full entry.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
braggart
“I’ll have you know,” said the snob to his date, “my father is a famous man in this town. He’s a Lion...a Moose…and an Elk.” “Wow!” said his date, “and what do you charge to see him?” Sign in to see full entry.
masculine vs feminine
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer,... Sign in to see full entry.
Monday, January 6, 2014
a boy n his wagon
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa... Sign in to see full entry.
emily
Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately... Sign in to see full entry.
barkeep pour me another
A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch "before the trouble starts." The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away. After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him "pour me a 15 year old scotch before the trouble... Sign in to see full entry.
genie
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget... Sign in to see full entry.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
speeding
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view... Sign in to see full entry.