Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, June 22, 2014

swearin parrot

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it... Sign in to see full entry.

Daaaaaaad!

His father sends a small boy to bed. Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Flight attendants

1. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." 2. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until... Sign in to see full entry.

3men

Three men wanted to cross a river. They had no idea how to cross it, so one man knelt down on his knees and prayed "Lord give me the power and strength the cross the river." suddenly the man became very strong and swam across the river. The next man thought: if it worked for him, it'll work for me.... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Oh lil johnny!

Teacher to Lil Johnny: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?" "Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another." "And what would they be doing then?" "Building boats!" Sign in to see full entry.

flying

A man at the airline counter tells the rep. “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London. The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that.” The man replied: Nonsense. That is what you did last time I flew with you. Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Lil Johnny strikes on last day of school!

A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense. There was a pause before lil Johnny raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them; "The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat." Sign in to see full entry.

drunk!

A man was well inebriated, but he got behind the wheel of his car anyway and began to drive home. Of course, he couldn't exactly drive straight or stay below the speed limit. Two policemen pulled him over and demanded a sobriety test. They asked him to walk a straight line, and he failed. They began... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Elderly

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took... Sign in to see full entry.

grizzlies

The National Game warden put out a warning to all hikers in his area. Warning that they should wear small bells on their boots so not to startle the bears. To distinguish the grizzly bear the notice read-- small bears droppings are small with nut and berries in it. Grizzly bear droppings are much... Sign in to see full entry.