Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

stealing doesn't always pay

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.” “And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.” The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!” “Yes sir. She... Sign in to see full entry.

ethics 101

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined." "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "Oh no! This judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 4, 2014

insurance

Insurance Company A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against.... get this.... fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a... Sign in to see full entry.

traffic court

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

quizzing the pharmacist

Marriage for the seniors George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and address the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist... Sign in to see full entry.

Prison sentence

An elderly woman was arrested for stealing a can of peaches. She appeared in court in front of the judge. He asked "Why did you steal the can of peaches?" "I was hungry." The judge thinks about it and asks "How many peaches are in a can?" "Six." "Okay, then your sentence will be 6 days in jail." Her... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

study

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?" Sign in to see full entry.

i've been robbed!

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

loll

Employer: We can pay you 75 dollars a week now and 100 dollars a week in eight months. Applicant: Thank you. I’ll drop back in eight months. Sign in to see full entry.

careful what you write

Job Application: Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed... Sign in to see full entry.