Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, October 27, 2014

careful what you write

A man who was just married was flying to the Florida Keys for a business trip. His new bride was to accompany him the next day. When he got there he E-mailed his wife to let her know he made it there safely. When he sent the E-mail he miss-typed the address. In Boston, a grieving widow, whose... Sign in to see full entry.

smack!

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track?... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

fishing

Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies,” If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of... Sign in to see full entry.

digging

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

oopsie!

A man was in a hurry to meet his friend down at the nearby lake. On the way down there, he was stopped by a man fully dressed in red. The man pulled over, and the red man asked, "Hi, I'm the red jerk of the highway. Have anything to eat?" The man smiled and handed him a sandwich. He continued down... Sign in to see full entry.

smart man

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said: "Call for backup." Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 24, 2014

paint me

A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond rings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things," he replied. "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm... Sign in to see full entry.

P.E.

Sign on company bulleting board: “This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.” Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

groaner alert

When they asked the two monocles why they never got together, they said they'd like to, but didn't want to make spectacles of themselves. Sign in to see full entry.

911

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Take it easy, cats don’t hurt... Sign in to see full entry.