Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, June 5, 2015

lil johnny on the loose again

Lil Johnny was doing his homework one evening and turned to his father and said, “Dad, where would I find the Andes? “Don’t ask me,” said the father. “Ask your mother. She puts everything away in this house.” Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Signs you've had too much of the '90s Part II

21. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined. 22. It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer. 23. You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire. 24. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or... Sign in to see full entry.

dining

A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

hunting

A hunting party is hopelessly lost. “I thought you said you were the best guide in Maine!” one of the hunters angrily said to their confused leader. “I am, “replied the guide. “But I think we’re in Canada now.” Sign in to see full entry.

for naut

Q: Do you know why dogs don't dance? A: They have two left feet! Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, June 1, 2015

lunch

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt. Sign in to see full entry.

what if

A man takes his son tiger hunting. They’re creeping through the weeds and the man says, “Son, this hunt marks your passage into manhood. Do you have any questions? And the boy says, “Yes, if the tiger kills you, how do I get home?” Sign in to see full entry.

one upmanship

Grandpa: boy, how many miles do you walk to school? Boy: about a half mile. Grandpa: when I was your age I walked eight miles to school every day. Boy, what are your grades like? Boy: they are mostly B's. Grandpa: when I was your age I got all A's. Boy, have you ever gotten into a fight? Boy: only... Sign in to see full entry.

want to be married

A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like." "Oh, that's easy," his pal replied. "All you have to do is find someone whos' just like your mother." "I did that already," he said, "and that one my father didn't like." Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

court

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.” The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked. “They’re people just like you – your equals.” “Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to... Sign in to see full entry.