Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Politics

At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a statue." "That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly am." Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 6:19 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 13, 2015

politicians in Oz

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and President Clinton all get caught up in a tornado and finally land in the Emerald City of Oz. They are finally allowed to visit the great and powerful wizard and Dan Quayle says "I've had a tough time getting by in Washington and I think I'd like to have a brain". Newt... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 10:31 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

irs audit

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice: "Don't let them... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 10:30 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 12, 2015

more dating quotes

A very common male fantasy is to have two women at the same time. One to cook, one to clean, I think. – Jimmy Carr I discovered my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two.’ – Emo Philips My girlfriend used to think that magazines like GQ and Maxim were... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:31 PM | add or view comments (8) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

dating quotes

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. – Mitch Hedberg I was on a date with this really attractive model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed. – Dave Attell I’m dating a homeless woman. It was... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:30 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

paying taxes

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 7:09 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Cannibal restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 7:09 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

dictator

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:46 PM | add or view comments (7) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Politics

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said, "I rented one of these cassettes and was shocked to find by my count five acts of oral sex, three of sodomy, a transsexual making love to a dog, and a woman accommodating five men at once. If elected, I... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 9:45 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Why some men prefer dogs...mmmmmmmm

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. You... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Annicita at 5:03 AM | add or view comments (12) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

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humorous tales from my life and jokes that I think will make you laugh

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