Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Thursday, November 12, 2015

more dating quotes

A very common male fantasy is to have two women at the same time. One to cook, one to clean, I think. – Jimmy Carr I discovered my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two.’ – Emo Philips My girlfriend used to think that magazines like GQ and Maxim were... Sign in to see full entry.

dating quotes

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. – Mitch Hedberg I was on a date with this really attractive model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed. – Dave Attell I’m dating a homeless woman. It was... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

paying taxes

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we... Sign in to see full entry.

Cannibal restaurant

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

dictator

Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have... Sign in to see full entry.

Politics

Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said, "I rented one of these cassettes and was shocked to find by my count five acts of oral sex, three of sodomy, a transsexual making love to a dog, and a woman accommodating five men at once. If elected, I... Sign in to see full entry.

Why some men prefer dogs...mmmmmmmm

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. 2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. 3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. 4. A dog's parents never visit. 5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. 6. You... Sign in to see full entry.

drunk

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 9, 2015

fly eating

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too... Sign in to see full entry.

flying south for winter

Two ducks were flying South for Winter when an Airforce jet overtook them at around mach 5... After about 40 mid-air somersaults and feathers flying everywhere, they managed to compose themselves and one duck says to the other: "DID YOU SEE THAT?" "I SURE DID!!!!!" says the other duck. "AND GEEZ,... Sign in to see full entry.