Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, December 30, 2016

parakeet

One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says. "Sure" the clerk replies. "Mind if I ask what it's for?" "My parakeet, "the man said. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

preaching

The preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church. "Good morning,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

motivation

At a motivational seminar 3 men are asked to come up to the stage. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the great doctor of my time,... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 26, 2016

landing

An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a ''Thanks for riding Royal Airlines.'' But, in light of his bad landing, the pilot had a... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

liar

A man sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. He goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the mutt replies. "So, what's your story?" The mutt looks up and says,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 23, 2016

chocolate chip cookies

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

vet

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

real answers

The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

64,000 question

Its the final round of the $64,000 question and only 3 remaining contestants are left, an Englishman, a Texan and an Arkansan. The question is, finish the following song title and spell the answer. " Old Macdonald had a ____". The Englishman goes 1st and says "estate" "e-s-t-a-t-e". The announcer... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 19, 2016

dental quickie

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly... Sign in to see full entry.