Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Friday, December 2, 2016

life...gotta love it!

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me! I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Beauty is in the eye of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

what do you think?

I had amnesia once - or twice. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

life's philosophies from web

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Remedies

Now I personally don't recommend using any of these except #7. 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

george carlin philosphy

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Law of sex

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. (I don't agree with this one.) 2.Nothing improves with age. 3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4.Sex has no calories.... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, November 25, 2016

asking for golf tips

Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips. After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft". So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft" Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

signs

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? I understand people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

did he really say that?

" I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." - George Bush, former U.S. President "It is white." - George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

ducks

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they... Sign in to see full entry.